Getting to Know You
by Surreptitious Chi X
Summary: After the Rescue the Kazekage Arc. An unsuspecting Iruka is walking home from teaching his classes when Gai asks him a favor: Kakashi needs to recover from overusing his sharingan. Iruka takes Kakashi into his home. Iruka x Kakashi.
1. Chapter 1

**Getting to Know You**

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**Author's Note:** The argument between Iruka and Kakashi about entering Team 7 in the Chunin Exam is only in the anime. In the manga, they never talk about it. So in this story there's been no disagreement between them.

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**Chapter 1**

* * *

Iruka was on his way home from the Academy. As he walked, he reflected on both the cute and infuriating things his students had done today.

Konohamaru was going to graduate this year, and he'd shaped up into an excellent candidate for a genin team. Of course, Konohamaru wanted to be on a team with his two best friends, and was already calling them a team. Iruka doubted it would be wise to split Konohamaru's fledgling team apart, but it wasn't a decision solely up to him.

Iruka walked past trendy cafés and clothing stores, traveling down one of Konoha's busiest streets. He cut across it in order to get to Matsu Avenue, a quieter residential street. He was only a few blocks from home.

"Iruka-san!" a voice shouted gladly.

Iruka turned around, quickly catching sight of Gai in his brilliant emerald green spandex. Gai waved. Iruka blinked and waved back. He and Gai didn't know each other that well, but he knew Gai because of the students he had assigned to Gai over the years after the final exam at the Academy level.

"Iruka-san, I have been looking for you in order to ask of you a most important favor that I would be eternally grateful for," Gai called. He gestured for Iruka to come closer.

Iruka respected Gai a great deal, so he trotted over at Gai's excited hand motions. He'd only been going home to grade papers, after all. "How may I help you, Gai-san?"

"In spite of my interjections to the point that I would be the most suitable person to take care of Kakashi while he recovers from the overuse of the sharingan, Godaime-sama insisted that I was urgently needed on the border," Gai said. He gestured at Kakashi dramatically. "Therefore I decided that you would be the most suitable person to take care of my Eternal Rival while I am away, Iruka-san."

Iruka looked past Gai. He hadn't even noticed the Copy Nin. But then he saw why. Kakashi was not standing, but sitting in a wheelchair. A pastel yellow blanket was swaddled around him. He forced an airy smile, but he was shivering. Kakashi looked singularly miserable.

"Kakashi-san," Iruka said blankly, unable to hide his shock. "Hello."

"Maa…" Kakashi studied Iruka for a moment with a vague look in his uncovered eye. "You're taller from here, aren't you? Like a giant. A giant Iruka on stilts."

Iruka was somewhat alarmed. Kakashi had always been businesslike and respectful to him. He looked to Gai. "Ah…are you sure he should be out of the hospital?"

"Fresh air is good for him," Gai declared. "What his body needs is to be out of the hospital and among people again! The reek of the hospital is definitely not conducive to my rival's recovery. Hospitals are singularly un-youthful."

Iruka hesitated. Then he sighed, crossed over from Gai to Kakashi, and got behind the wheelchair. He took the handlebars and pushed, rolling Kakashi down the street. "Well, he can't stay here in the middle of the street. It's freezing for him. The wind is blowing, and this blanket is not sufficient to keep him insulated."

Gai's smile shone brilliantly. "Thank you, Iruka-san! I knew you would be the man for the job!" He hugged Iruka tightly. "You'll take care of him the entire time I'm gone, won't you? It'll take me about a month."

"I…"

"Thanks," Kakashi said casually. "I know you'll be gentle with me."

Iruka looked between the two of them, flustered. "Alright, already. If you won't go back to the hospital –"

"I won't," Kakashi said.

Iruka took a deep breath. "Then I would be happy to take care of you. Please allow me to take you into my home."

"Thank you very much," Kakashi said. "I will strive not to be an annoying houseguest."

"I'm sure you won't be an imposition," Iruka said reassuringly.

Gai slapped Iruka on the back. "Fabulous! I will be back in one month." He fished out a bottle of medication from the pocket of his vest and shoved it down the front pocket of Iruka's vest instead. "This is for Kakashi. It's for his pain."

"Um, does it have…dosing instructions?" Iruka asked.

"On the bottle," Gai said. He pointed at Kakashi. "Recover, my rival, so that we may resume our youthful rivalry when I return!" Then he ran off.

"I'll get you somewhere warm," Iruka said. He started pushing the wheelchair again.

Kakashi couldn't suppress another shiver. "That sounds nice." He looked up at Iruka with a smile. "Do you have hot cocoa?"

Iruka snorted. "I have hot cocoa."

"Great." Kakashi weathered the rest of the journey to Iruka's apartment in good spirits, resting in the wheelchair silently.

Iruka didn't attempt to engage Kakashi in conversation. He suspected that Kakashi was currently doped up in addition to being exhausted and ill. Besides, he needed the time to think. It still needed to sink in that he'd been made responsible for one of the most valuable jonin in the village, and it was someone Iruka already knew. Sort of. As much interaction as he'd had with Kakashi due to Kakashi being Naruto's sensei.

What he knew was basically that Kakashi was very serious about his ninja way of putting team members before the mission, that he was hard on his students, and that he put up a front of goofiness to keep people from prying into his personal life. The porn reading, the lateness, and the excuse-making was all part of an obvious mask, as obvious as the one on his face. Kakashi didn't attempt to hide the fact that he wasn't letting anyone get to know him; and yet, for all the obviousness, Kakashi was so good at being sneaky that it was impossible to pry into the Copy Ninja's personal life anyway. It was a taunt.

And here Iruka was, wheeling Kakashi towards his apartment. He assumed he had the privilege of taking Kakashi home instead of having to live in Kakashi's apartment until Gai came back.

Iruka had never lived with anyone. Well, as a child, yes, of course. As an adult, no.

By the time he reached the sidewalk in front of his apartment building, he began to feel a little excited. He'd have company for three or four weeks. While Kakashi was not the typical person's idea of company, Iruka thought Kakashi probably wouldn't be too difficult. And when Kakashi was well enough to move around on his own, Iruka wouldn't have to worry about leaving Kakashi alone for a few hours while he taught classes.

For the first few days, he would be keeping a very close eye on Kakashi, of course. He'd get Daikoku to cover his classes. Daikoku was an obliging sort of person. He was an older teacher, about ten years older than Iruka, and he was very good-natured.

"This is it," Iruka said brightly. "My apartment building."

Kakashi looked up at the building. It was painted strawberry milkshake pink, with white shutters on the windows. "How nice," he mumbled.

"We're going inside," Iruka said.

Kakashi didn't respond.

Iruka pushed the wheelchair up to the front door and opened it. The wheelchair fit like a peg in a slot. He was glad the door was wide enough. The wheels almost scraped.

The lobby was butter yellow with brown carpet packed down by all the years of people walking on it. Iruka pushed the wheelchair down the hall until he reached the staircase.

"I'm afraid you'll have to walk up the steps," Iruka said apologetically. "My building's a little old. It doesn't have an elevator, because it's only three stories tall. The old building codes said that building designers didn't have to put in an elevator unless a structure was five stories tall or more."

Kakashi looked up at him. "Hmm?" Then he smiled at the look of worry. "Fine, fine. I can walk. This wheelchair is just an unnecessary precaution."

Iruka was surprised. "Really?"

Kakashi stood, wrapping his blanket around himself. "Sure."

Iruka folded up the wheelchair and set it against the wall. He'd have to come back for it later. Maybe he'd just attach a note to it so that people knew where the wheelchair had come from. Iruka trusted the people in his apartment building not to mess with others' belongings.

Kakashi took three steps, to the foot of the stairs, and crashed on the steps like a sack of potatoes.

Iruka let out a yelp. "Oh my god, are you okay?"

"Fine." Kakashi waved a hand weakly. "I meant to do that. I'm inspecting the stairs for safety."

"Oh, you are not," Iruka huffed, crossing over to the staircase and yanking him up by one arm. "You're really hurt."

Kakashi's legs were shaking so much he could hardly stand, even with Iruka holding him up by the arm.

Iruka hoisted him up bridal style. "Let's get you up the stairs."

"W-wait a minute," Kakashi protested, wide-eyed. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Carrying you," Iruka said.

Kakashi wilted. "Maa…" He shut his eyes, his skin tone gray.

"You can't walk and you shouldn't be out of the hospital," Iruka said. He reached the top of the stairs and marched down the hallway. He didn't care if the other residents of the apartment complex saw him carrying Kakashi. To him, it was just a responsibility that had to be done. It meant nothing about either of their manliness.

"Don't take me back," Kakashi moaned piteously. "I can't stand to be back in the hospital. They're mean to me there."

Iruka snorted. "Relax. I'm not taking you back to the hospital, Kakashi-san. I'm taking you to my apartment like I promised I would. I wouldn't lie to you or Gai-san."

Kakashi clung to him.

He opened the door to his apartment and pushed it in with his foot, then turned around and closed it behind them with one hand, quickly. Iruka grabbed Kakashi's sandal and pulled.

"Hey, what?" Kakashi opened his eyes and looked at Iruka in distress.

"Off with your sandals," Iruka said firmly. "You're not tracking things all over my nice floor. You're also not wearing these in bed." He took off Kakashi's sandals.

"My feet are cold," Kakashi said.

"I can tell," Iruka said. "I'll lend you a pair of my socks. The winter ones. It'll be alright."

Kakashi shivered, his teeth chattering.

"Oh, what has Gai done to you?" Iruka sighed.

"Nothing," Kakashi said defensively. "I was like this in the hospital."

"You should have been getting better in the hospital," Iruka said.

"They're mean to me. I told you."

After slipping off his own sandals, Iruka carried Kakashi across the house to his bedroom and laid Kakashi down on his bed.

Kakashi struggled to sit up.

"It's only for a moment," Iruka said. He went over to his dresser and rummaged through his sock drawer. He came out with a pair of thick, fuzzy socks. "Here." He smiled at Kakashi. "Here we go." He crossed over to the bed.

Kakashi reached for them.

Iruka pulled the socks out of reach. "No." He looked at Kakashi sternly. "Let me."

"But…hey…"

Iruka expertly pulled the socks onto Kakashi's feet. "There. Better."

Kakashi shifted slightly. "Thank you," he muttered.

"I don't want you moving," Iruka said. "Not more than necessary." He sighed. "For god's sake, Kakashi-san, I don't even know what happened."

"Ah. I used a new sharingan technique and it used up too much chakra," Kakashi said. "Also, the Kazekage is alive again."

"Well, that's nice," Iruka said politely. "But you shouldn't have used your sharingan like that and put yourself in danger."

"How would you know –"

"Naruto and Sakura should be furious with you," Iruka said. "You have a record of taking terrible risks."

Kakashi sulked. "I don't like it here anymore. I want to go back to the hospital."

Iruka stared at him. "Why?"

Kakashi shifted on Iruka's bed uncomfortably. "You're meaner than they are."

Iruka sighed. "Oh, I am not. Here." He gathered Kakashi up in his arms again. "Let's go to the living room and made you warm. I'll fix you a cup of hot chocolate."

Kakashi brightened at the mention of hot chocolate, but he still looked sickly.

Iruka's living room was small, with white walls, dated shag carpet, and a squashy sofa upholstered in brown corduroy. Iruka loved his sofa.

Iruka arranged Kakashi on the sofa, piled under all the guest blankets. "How is it?"

"Nice and toasty," Kakashi said. He looked relieved. He shut his eyes and let his head fall back. Iruka noticed dark circles under Kakashi's eyes.

"You haven't been sleeping well, have you?"

"They check my blood pressure every forty-five minutes in the hospital," Kakashi said. "I told you they were mean. They can't even let a man sleep."

Iruka smiled. "Well, I'll let you sleep. You can sleep all you want."

Kakashi looked pretty much asleep already.

Iruka quietly went into the kitchen and prepared hot chocolate. When he came back, Kakashi was lightly snoring. He was torn. "Kakashi-san?" he said softly.

Kakashi woke up, his head snapping up. "Yes."

"Your hot chocolate."

Kakashi's expression lit up, making it worth disturbing the man's sleep a little longer.

Iruka gave him the mug of hot chocolate with a pot holder, so he wouldn't burn himself. "Be careful." He glanced away, at the door of his guest bedroom. He'd have to clean up some miscellaneous things in there so that Kakashi had some proper privacy.

When he looked back, Kakashi was already taking a sip. "Mmm." He smiled at Iruka with whipped cream foam on his upper lip. "Delicious."

Iruka blinked. _Wait, upper lip?_ As casually as anything, Kakashi was enjoying hot hot cocoa, mask free. "What happened to your mask? I thought you somehow ate and drank with your mask on."

"It's an illusion," Kakashi said. "When I take off my mask to eat or drink, I usually put up a genjutsu to keep people from peeking. I don't have the energy. And I'm on strict orders not to use any chakra for the next six weeks."

"Well, that's wise." Iruka nodded.

"It's a pain," Kakashi said. He studied Iruka. "But I suppose if you do everything for me then it's okay."

Iruka blinked. "Like what?"

"Anything I would need chakra for," Kakashi said.

"Well, I'm sure that won't be a problem," Iruka said soothingly. "Especially since you won't need chakra to do anything while you're living here with me. You're going to be resting."

Kakashi drank his hot chocolate and promptly fell asleep.

Iruka was a bit startled. He had to take Kakashi's mug to keep it from rolling out of Kakashi's hand. He also wiped Kakashi's mouth with a napkin without waking the man up. _He really was on his last leg._

Kakashi slept all through Iruka's favorite tv shows, all through Iruka grading his papers on the kotatsu table in the living room, and all through dinner preparation. Iruka woke Kakashi to eat. Kakashi was groggy. He ate half his meal, mumbling only the words, 'Thank you,' and 'Real food', before passing out again.

Iruka cleaned up, watched more tv, and went to bed, keeping his door open so that he could hear Kakashi if anything happened. He also had a partial view of the sofa where Kakashi lay.

He fell asleep wondering why Kakashi always took such poor care of himself.

**xXx**

He woke up to Kakashi's mumbling. Iruka jolted upright in bed.

Kakashi's voice was remarkably clear, due to the acoustics of the living room and hallway leading back to Iruka's bedroom. "Kaleidoscope…no…"

_Kaleidoscope?_ Iruka threw his covers off, stuck his feet into his slippers, and walked out into the living room, wrapping his bathrobe around himself.

Kakashi was tossing and turning; if he'd had the energy, Iruka thought he would be thrashing, fighting in his sleep. He'd fallen over onto the sofa instead of sleeping sitting up. In vain, he was trying to push himself up on his shaking arms. "Mangekyou," he said again, the word for kaleidoscope. Iruka hadn't been wrong about that.

Iruka knew plenty of people who were violent when wakened suddenly. However, he didn't know what else to do. "Kakashi?" he asked softly.

"Get away," Kakashi said. It was more of a wheeze than anything. "The kaleidoscope…"

Iruka had to hope that Kakashi didn't have the energy to kill him. He knelt down in front of the sofa and grabbed Kakashi's shoulders.

Kakashi snapped awake instantly. He stared at Iruka with wide eyes.

Iruka realized that Kakashi had managed to uncover his sharingan, but that there was no telltale glow. He gasped. "You've drained out all your chakra!" He yanked Kakashi's hitai-ate down over the vulnerable, chakra-consuming eye and pushed Kakashi into a sitting position, then sat down beside the man.

"Maa…I was asleep," Kakashi said forlornly. "I didn't do it on purpose." Before Iruka could say anything, he asked, "Are you going to be mad at me now? The nurses are mean to me. They don't like it when I struggle. They say I was being difficult. But I was asleep. They would knock me out with their sleeping pills or whatever, but I didn't like that. So they made me nap. Instead of sleep. I can't get enough sleep. But they don't like it when I struggle. They get mad. So are you going to be mad at me?"

Iruka hardly knew what to say. He understood why Gai didn't want Kakashi to be in the hospital now, though. Kakashi looked so much like a small child. Iruka didn't know if it was because of Kakashi's night terror, or if it was because he was chakra exhausted, or if it was just something about the light in the room right now.

He slipped an arm around Kakashi's shoulders and leaned against the man. "I'm not going to be angry with you."

Kakashi looked at him hopefully. "Really?"

Iruka seriously doubted the med nins spent their spare time smacking Kakashi around – not everyone was like Sakura – but he was horrified nonetheless. The children in his classes who asked for extra reassurances were always the ones from bad homes. Whatever happened in the hospital, Kakashi had come away feeling insecure and suspicious of caregivers.

"Really," Iruka said gently. "You can't help what you do when you're not awake."

"Will you stay with me?" Kakashi asked. "Maybe I wouldn't do stuff in my sleep, then. If you were with me, I might not fight in my sleep."

That request tugged on Iruka's heartstrings fiercely. _How could I say no?_ "Of course I'll stay. I'm supposed to be taking care of you. That is exactly what I will do."

Kakashi looked amazed. He snuggled into Iruka's embrace, resting his head against Iruka's shoulder. "My head hurts, Ruka-sensei."

Iruka had forgotten the pain medication in his vest. "I'll be right back."

Kakashi's head snapped up. "No."

Iruka realized that Kakashi didn't understand him. "I'll just get getting the medication you've been described out of my vest pocket. I'll be right back."

Kakashi whined, but he allowed Iruka to get up.

Iruka went back to his bedroom and got the orange bottle out of his vest pocket, where Gai had stuffed it. He brought it back to the living room and turned on the lights as he went, scanning the label on the bottle. _Take with food and a glass of water._ Four to six hours? He'd let the medication lapse way too long. No wonder Kakashi's head hurt.

He looked at Kakashi guiltily. "I'm sorry."

"You mean you can't stay?" Kakashi looked hurt, then hid his expression by hanging his head.

"No!" Iruka was alarmed. He sat down beside Kakashi and slid an arm around Kakashi's shoulders again. "I mean I'm sorry that I let your pain medication lapse. I should have given you a dose with dinner."

Kakashi looked incredulous. "Is that all? That's nothing to be sorry for."

"But –"

Kakashi wrapped his arms around Iruka and held on with a surprising amount of strength for a chakra-drained man. "Stay."

Iruka didn't try to disengage himself. Kakashi was hurting from something far worse than a headache. He hugged back, holding onto Kakashi tightly.

Kakashi nestled his head in the crook of Iruka's shoulder and neck. "Stay."

"I'll stay," Iruka said. "I'm staying."

"Gai stays," Kakashi said. "But he had a mission…he had to go on…"

"I don't have missions to go on," Iruka said gently. "I'm a teacher. I can stay and take care of you."

"Ruka-sensei, don't die." For all its childishness, Kakashi spoke the words as though it was an order of the highest caliber.

Iruka kissed the top of Kakashi's head before he could think better of it. After all, Kakashi was a jonin, not a child. "I promise. I promise I won't die."

Kakashi squeezed him, and then relaxed. In spite of the headache, it seemed that Kakashi was in the process of falling asleep on him.

Iruka let him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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Iruka didn't sleep. He had too much to think about. As Kakashi gently snored against him, Iruka wondered who had raised Kakashi and how Kakashi turned out this way. Clearly, a massive amount of trauma was involved. It made Iruka's stomach clench. _For Kakashi not to have gotten help before now…_

It was ridiculous. There was no way that no one had noticed Kakashi's behavior before now. Gai had to know, for one. And then there was the hospital staff. Why did no one refer Kakashi to therapy? There were bi-yearly medical exams that included psychological assessments, and as far as Iruka knew they were mandatory. If the examination wasn't done, the ninja was suspended from duty. Kakashi couldn't possibly fool a trained psychologist.

_Maybe he just hasn't been to a psychologist yet since his return from Wind,_ Iruka thought. _Maybe Kakashi was coping well, and the recent trauma of his mission caused the regression I've seen. _But regression of this magnitude was more common in children. Kakashi had to have some untreated condition for this to happen.

_And I work with children. No wonder Gai thought I was perfect. _Iruka dared to stroke Kakashi's hair.

Kakashi mumbled and shifted his head slightly, but didn't wake up.

Iruka withdrew his hand.

Kakashi whined.

Somewhat disturbed and thrown off balance by that response, Iruka returned to stroking Kakashi's silvery hair. It was unusually soft; softer than Iruka had expected.

Kakashi settled down, nuzzling Iruka's neck.

Iruka's cheeks flamed. For one small, irritated moment, he thought Kakashi was being perverted. Then it registered that Kakashi's chakra was truly at sleep levels, and he felt guilty for his suspicion. Kakashi wasn't coming onto him; Kakashi was affection-deprived.

_And maybe I'm sex-deprived,_ Iruka thought wryly. People – usually Izumo and Kotetsu, told him it was poison for a man in his mid-twenties to be alone all the time. He usually said that he was surrounded by his students, and so not alone…to which they clarified that they meant adult company. Iruka always ended up quoting statistics that men didn't think about sex every thirty seconds, it was more like once a week, and that frequency declined with age. So he only really missed having a boyfriend once a month, and that was taken care of all by himself, thank you very much.

Furthermore, Kakashi did not and never had set off any of those special bells of arousal for him. Iruka had always thought it was better that way.

_It's definitely lucky now, seeing as how he's suffering from regression and I'm in charge of taking care of him. _Iruka glanced down at Kakashi, making sure he remembered to keep stroking Kakashi's hair.

The next few hours were mind-numbing. Iruka drifted in and out of sleep, always waking up to find his back stiff and Kakashi still asleep against him. Iruka imagined this was what it was like to take care of a sick child. He'd never done it, but he'd heard that parents stayed up and made sure the child was still sleeping, still alright. More than one parent had done that during a particularly bad flu epidemic two years ago. Some children had actually been in danger of dying. Iruka had been worried. Of course, he had no children of his own, so his worry couldn't have compared to the worry of the parents.

This was Iruka's first taste of actually being there for someone like that. All in all, he had to say he could get used to it. Kakashi's warmth was kind of pleasant, in spite of the Copy Nin's heaviness.

Finally, though, Iruka had to pee. He gently laid Kakashi down on the sofa, making sure the man stayed wrapped up in the blanket, and crept off to the bathroom.

He came back to find Kakashi wandering around his kitchen, trailing his yellow blanket around after him, a corner clutched in one hand.

Kakashi turned to him as he entered. "Where's my refrigerator? It's not where I put it."

Iruka took a deep breath and consciously swallowed how cute and how sad the sight of Kakashi carrying around a blanket was. "The refrigerator is not where you put it because this is my apartment."

"Oh," Kakashi said vaguely.

Then Iruka had to race to catch Kakashi before the man collapsed.

"My legs won't work," Kakashi said.

"I can see that," Iruka said gently. He clutched the man to his chest, adrenaline still pumping through his system at the way Kakashi had suddenly plummeted.

"I fell down a couple times and banged my head, but I thought I got the hang of it," Kakashi said.

Iruka was horrified. "You should have waited for me."

"You weren't here," Kakashi said, as if that explained everything.

Iruka had to try his hardest not to cry. "I was just using the bathroom."

"Oh." Kakashi considered him for a moment. "Where's the bathroom?"

"All the way back next to my room," Iruka said.

"Where is your room?"

Iruka led Kakashi through the living room and down the hall. He pointed to the door on the right. "This is my room." Then he pointed to the door opposite. "This is the bathroom."

"Oh." Kakashi stared at the bathroom door. "I have to go."

Iruka opened the door for him. "Okay."

Kakashi didn't make any attempt to enter the bathroom, even though Iruka had hand rails installed at one point to help himself get around with a broken leg, which meant Kakashi certainly was in no danger of falling.

"What's the problem?" Iruka asked.

"You won't be here when I get back."

Iruka's heart broke. _Boom. That's all it could take._ He imagined it shattered inside of his chest like a glass ornament. "I'll still be here. I promise."

Kakashi analyzed Iruka with an unsettlingly adult, scrutinizing stare. Then he thrust his blanket into Iruka's hands and took hold of the hand rail on the wall inside the door, running parallel to the door frame. "I'll be mad if I come back and you've stolen my blanket." He shuffled inside the bathroom and shut the door.

Iruka stood there, bemused and uncomfortable. He could only imagine that Kakashi would hunt him down and rip him apart if he moved an inch. Even chakra exhausted.

Though he tried not to listen, his mind automatically catalogued the sounds: the toilet seat being flipped up. Urination. Toilet flushing. Water running. Water being shut off. Click as the doorknob turned.

Then Kakashi opened the door and emerged, grabbing his blanket back and rubbing it against his cheek. "You didn't hurt Mr. Sunshine. You can't be all bad, then." He gave Iruka a cheerful smile that was eerily typical of him.

Iruka took Kakashi's arms to steady him, and they walked into the kitchen. Kakashi sat down at the dining nook, watching Iruka and absently stroking his yellow blanket.

"So what are we going to eat?" Kakashi asked.

"Ah, so you're hungry," Iruka said. He smiled at Kakashi. "That's why you got up."

Kakashi nodded. He looked at Iruka hopefully.

"Well, what have I got?" Iruka scratched his chin and looked up at the ceiling, thinking. "Do you like eggs?"

"Yes," Kakashi said. "I like omelets. Those are eggs."

Iruka had to laugh. "Okay. I'll make you an omelet. Do you like fish?"

"Not so much," Kakashi said. "It's okay. I don't like salmon. Herring is good, though."

"I have some herring," Iruka said.

Kakashi lit up.

"Do you like much rice with your meals?" Iruka asked.

"Not particularly." Kakashi looked uncertain.

"So just a small bowl, then." Iruka turned up the strength of his smile. "I can do that. You just sit and relax."

"Okay."

Kakashi watched him cook.

Iruka found it unsettling at first; he wasn't used to cooking with an audience. But he adjusted and was able to concentrate within the first few minutes. He cooked rice in his rice steamer, whipped up omelets, and grilled his herring. Herring was a common snack in Konoha, especially for breakfast.

He put their omelets and herring on the same plate, then scooped out two small bowls of rice. He served Kakashi first, then himself.

"Orange juice?" Iruka asked.

"Please," Kakashi said. "I love orange juice. Especially the super pulpy kind."

Iruka couldn't help but smile and melt a little. "I think I've got the super pulpy kind."

Kakashi lit up. "Do you really?"

Iruka nodded, chuckling. "Uh-huh."

"Yay," Kakashi said. Iruka wasn't sure, but he thought that Kakashi might actually be using that word without irony.

Iruka poured two glasses of orange juice, stuck straws in them, and brought them to the table, setting Kakashi's down first. Then he did a double-take. "Oh, I forgot chopsticks." He got the chopsticks out from his silverware drawer.

"Thank you," Kakashi said. "Though I would have tried to eat with my hands. I'm not picky."

Iruka gave Kakashi a strange look, startled. Then he shook himself. "Well, dig in." _What did he mean, eat with his hands? He'd eat an omelet and herring and rice with his hands?_

"Yum. Itadakimasu." Kakashi pulled down his mask and took a bite of omelet. "Excellent, Iruka."

"Oh, you can call me Ruka," Iruka offered. "I don't mind."

Kakashi smiled. It was a remarkably sweet, grateful smile. "Okay. Ruka."

"My parents used to call me that," Iruka explained. "I like it. And it's been years since I heard anyone call me that…so…" He didn't explain it had also been years since he had shared living space with another human being. He blushed slightly.

Kakashi looked sad, and somewhat concerned. Iruka was startled at how easy Kakashi's expressions were to read without the mask on. He'd expected Kakashi to be…stoic, or something. "My parents called me Kakashi, or called me Son. I don't have any special nicknames like that. You do, so you should hear it. You should hear it from somebody…I would be happy to call you Ruka from now on."

Iruka nodded and looked down at his plate shyly. "Thank you, Kakashi-san."

Kakashi shifted uncertainly. "It can be just Kakashi, if you want it to be."

"Kakashi," Iruka corrected himself gently. "You're right. I should call you Kakashi."

Kakashi gave him a tentative smile. "Your omelet's really good, Ruka."

Iruka beamed. "Thank you, Kakashi. I'm just glad you like it."

They both chuckled at that bit of practice.

"Why do you wear your mask?" Iruka asked, cutting into his own omelet.

Kakashi looked startled and uneasy. He picked at his food.

"I'm sorry," Iruka said. "I thought the explanation would be straightforward."

Kakashi shrugged. He stared down at his plate.

Iruka felt terrible. "Kakashi, you look ashamed. Please talk to me." He had to gamble that his teacherly concern, a certain tone and poise he'd perfected over the years, would get Kakashi to open up.

Kakashi sighed and raised his head to look at Iruka. His expression was vulnerable as he scanned Iruka's face. Then, without preamble, he started talking. "I was raised in a top secret organization. No one knew I was there. I only assured Minato-sensei that I was taken care of. He was concerned, many times, and attempted to come to the apartment I kept for appearances. I was almost never there; only once when he came around. I explained to him that I was training, and he left it at that. The truth is, I wear a mask because I'm not good at hiding emotions."

Iruka found the first part of the explanation disjointed from the last part. He tried to piece it together. "This organization…wanted you to control your emotions?"

Kakashi nodded. "They specialized in teaching children – young children, troubled children, children like me – how to control or sublimate our emotions, so that we could not be affected by what happened to us. It was considered saving us. Even when I was schooling my emotions in that program, I couldn't school my face. So the trainers asked me to wear a mask. To see if I could handle my emotions better if I wore one. It worked. Many kids were taught the same way; I wasn't the only one walking around in the compound wearing a mask. Some of us were better than others; that was all." He shrugged one shoulder.

Iruka knew from working with children that shrugging a single shoulder was an unconscious expression of uncertainty. "You don't really believe that. You don't believe emotions are bad."

"Now I don't," Kakashi corrected. He ate a bite of omelet. "Back then I did. All I could feel was pain over my father's death. I needed something to take me out of that pain, and this program did that."

"What was it called?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi shook his head. "After it was disbanded, we all promised never to talk about it."

"But why?" Iruka asked.

"Because too many people still thought it was a good idea," Kakashi said. "Many people thought the program had failed because the children weren't strong enough, not because the teaching methods were flawed. The teaching could have gone on forever. We couldn't have that."

"Why did the teaching go wrong?" Iruka asked. "How?" He absently noticed that he was clutching his chopsticks too hard. He reined himself in just enough not to snap them.

"The training that was supposed to make us strong made us brittle, weak," Kakashi said.

"I don't understand," Iruka said softly.

"It's like glass." Kakashi gestured. "The trainers in the facility made us cold. Very cold. It felt good. But we were also rigid. A mission is a hot situation. When a cold child met with a hot situation…we shattered. Like glass." He ate another bite of his omelet. "I wasn't the only one; I was just the most famous one. I was a poster child, for the few that knew the program existed. Sakumo commits suicide, mother already dead, no living relatives…yet the child remains a shinobi and is able to function?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Remarkable."

He sighed. "But I wasn't proud, because pride is an emotion. I felt nothing for being the flagship student of the program. It was meant to be that way, I think; that is one of the only things that saved me. To have failed again – at something so many people believed in, so many people wanted me to succeed at – it would have crushed me. Besides the crushing defeat that Obito's death handed me."

"So you shattered because of Obito-san's death," Iruka whispered.

Kakashi nodded. "I was glad, in the end. Please don't be sad, Ruka. My training was wrong. The fact that a comrade's death shattered me is proof of that. I should not have been shatter-able if the training had been correct. The idea was to help children endure, not set them up for failure."

"So what happened? In the end?" Iruka stirred his orange juice with his straw. The pulp had settled somewhat. He didn't like ending up with a lot of pulp in the bottom and no juice for it to go with.

"Sandaime shut the program down," Kakashi said softly. "The director of this program was one of his associates; a colleague from past experiences, I gathered. To be any more specific than that would be to commit treason, I'm afraid. The records are all sealed, and I probably shouldn't have told you this much." He looked at Iruka with an almost-smile. "But I felt like telling you, and you asked so nicely. Most people just demand that I explain being weird, or make fun of me for wearing the mask."

"I'm glad," Iruka said. "I'm glad that you told me. I want to get to know you, Kakashi."

Kakashi nodded – or maybe he was just ducking his head. He went back to eating his breakfast, without another word.

"So the other children," Iruka said. He felt compelled to ask; partly because he was a schoolteacher. "You don't know them? You don't know what happened to them?"

Kakashi shrugged and shook his head. "We weren't trained to know each other. We were trained to be detached. We didn't even have real names within the organization. We were called things like…Ine." Ine meant rice plant. "Short names, spelled with single kanji. Easy to remember. Detached. Like us."

"What was your name?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi shook his head. "You don't get it. We got a new name every mission. We weren't supposed to be attached to anything, ne? So we didn't get attached to our own names. We understood what was us for the mission, and then we put the name away again. To avoid confusion, no two names were ever used twice, but only for that reason. There was no sentimentality." He shrugged one shoulder. "Sentimentality was an emotion; one of the things discouraged."

"Sentimentality…" Iruka ate thoughtfully. "I'm not sure it's as simple as an emotion. Or, I think it's a lot of emotions, rolled up into one concept. I think sentimentality is more like a human urge, not a simple emotion that can be set aside." He waited for Kakashi's reaction.

Kakashi swallowed his last bite of omelet. "You're right, of course. I couldn't help being sentimental. It was an urge. There was one woman I knew, but she's dead now."

"Who?" Iruka asked.

"Ine." Kakashi smiled ruefully. "That's why the example leapt to mind. Her name was Ine when I worked with her, and I liked her a lot. She had long, dark hair, that dark misty blue that Hyuuga children can get sometimes. But she wasn't a Hyuuga. If she were, she would have been taken in. No, she was clanless. Like me. My clan was all dead, and so was hers, and they had both been prominent clans in their day. She was a lot like me. Her father committed suicide, her mother was already dead. We…connected."

Kakashi looked away and tensed.

_He expects to get in trouble, still, even after all these years._ Iruka's heart ached for Kakashi. "You got in trouble."

Kakashi glanced at him sharply. "It was forbidden. We did the wrong thing. We put others in jeopardy. We – I…didn't want to tell. But she did. So she did. She told me that I had formed an attachment with her, and she was sorry. Then she turned herself in. We were separated."

"Separated?" Iruka asked. "Did you sleep in the same room or something?"

Kakashi looked at Iruka for a moment without answering. His good eye was full of pain. "No. Normally, operatives are mixed up together freely, all encouraging each other. My classes and Ine's classes…never met again. And of course she wasn't called Ine. I never saw her again. We were separated; strained out from the group, from each other. Reprimanded." He sighed. "I wanted to see her still. I wanted so badly to break the rules. I was ten, and I think…she was my first crush."

He bowed his head, looking so ashamed that Iruka got up from his side of the table and crossed over to Kakashi, squeezing Kakashi's shoulder.

"You have nothing to be ashamed for," Iruka said softly. "It's natural." He reached up and stroked Kakashi's head, afraid he was crossing a boundary and also hoping that it would work to soothe the man.

"I attempted to find her," Kakashi said miserably. "I wasn't very subtle. Not subtle enough. D – The Director, caught me, or word got back to him, or something, because I was called into his office. He said I as good as killed her. She was trying to leave her past behind her, and our shared circumstances were dredging it back up for her. She'd been crying. She didn't want to see me. I was unwelcome."

Iruka was horrified. He bent over and wrapped both arms around Kakashi tightly.

"I was unwanted. I went back to my training and redoubled my efforts so that I could forget about her." Kakashi grudgingly admitted, "But it didn't work."

Iruka squeezed him.

"I worked and worked, but I couldn't suppress my emotions good enough after that," Kakashi said. "Not good enough. Obito got to me. I got irritable. Everyone suspected something was up. And I just denied it, over and over again…until Obito died. I snapped. I didn't know what to do. My friend had just died, and I didn't have the resources to stop from feeling in myself – this feeling of – it was so…"

Iruka could feel Kakashi shaking. He kissed Kakashi's temple. "It's alright. Let it out."

"Unfair," Kakashi said. "It was unfair. And I shattered, it was beyond repair, and when I was in the hospital Sandaime visited me and told me it wasn't just me. All the people in the program were shattering. Twenty-two. Twenty-two of the children, including me, had all shattered in the past two months. It was just being covered up from me. From everyone in the program. It was like…they didn't want to ruin morale. Even though we weren't supposed to have morale, and we did, they wanted to preserve it but they couldn't, because Sandaime shut the program down and too many of our friends had disappeared –" Kakashi held his head in his hands.

For a moment, Iruka thought he was overwhelmed at the subject matter. Then Iruka remembered the pain pills. "Shit! I'll be right back!" He ran to the living room and got the bottle, then administered two pain pills to Kakashi and watched the man wash them down with orange juice.

"That's an un-teacher-ly word," Kakashi commented, smiling weakly.

"I know it," Iruka shrugged. "I'm an adult the same as everybody else. And don't think most of my students don't know it already, too. They do. I have to paint over the graffiti on the walls sometimes in the bathroom."

Kakashi snorted, almost choking. "I see."

Iruka grinned. "Yeah. The travails of being a teacher."

"Yeah," Kakashi said, a chuckle trembling in his voice.

Iruka noticed that the subject they had been talking about effortlessly slipped away, and the air was lighter. Kakashi was smiling again. _I really like your smile._

He couldn't say such a thing to the man. After all, Kakashi was still an adult, even if he was bouncing back and forth between normal maturity and trauma-induced regression to a more child-like level. Kakashi would take his compliment all the wrong way and try to – Well, Iruka didn't know what, but he was sure teasing would be involved. And Iruka did not like to be teased. Not on certain topics.

"How would you like to go back to the living room for some couch snuggles after you're finished eating breakfast?" Iruka asked impulsively.

Kakashi grinned. "Great."

Iruka felt his worries melt away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

They watched tv, one of Iruka's arms around Kakashi's waist, and Kakashi's head on Iruka's shoulder. Iruka stroked Kakashi's back slowly. With a pang of self-consciousness, Iruka realized they were the picture of domestic bliss. Domestic bliss that he hadn't had even when he'd had a boyfriend. He and his boyfriend hadn't been this way. They hadn't been compatible that way; Iruka was a snuggler and his boyfriend hadn't been.

Kakashi laughed at the goofy game show on the tv, and Iruka found it a surprisingly infectious laugh. It was a distinctive laugh, reminding Iruka of the kind of mischievous giggles he might hear from one of the children in his class after they'd just set up a prank.

He was relieved that Kakashi could laugh this way. After hearing something of Kakashi's childhood, Iruka was surprised. _He must have worked really hard_. This was the first proof Iruka had that Kakashi had been in therapy. So clearly, Sandaime had known, even if no one else did, and ensured that Kakashi got help.

Iruka squeezed Kakashi gently.

Kakashi let out a happy murmur and nuzzled Iruka's neck, pressing against Iruka's side.

_Still, he has a long way to go before he makes a full recovery. _The affection-deprived nature of Kakashi's life was a major concern, just like it would be if Kakashi were one of his students. Gai clearly couldn't handle Kakashi's needs by himself. Iruka couldn't blame Gai for that; as demonstrative and affectionate as Gai was, he was also a busy jonin sensei. And, Iruka suspected Gai had his own problems.

"Aww, it's over," Kakashi said, snapping Iruka out of his thoughts. "Make it come back on."

Iruka gathered then and there Kakashi didn't watch a lot of tv. "TV programs appear on a schedule. The show will come back on all by itself tomorrow."

Kakashi considered that. "Okay. Are you going to watch it tomorrow with me?"

_That's a good question._ Iruka thought guiltily about work and having to leave Kakashi home alone eventually. _Maybe…I'll ask for a vacation? _He doubted he'd get it, though. He never could convince himself to push very hard. At the slightest objection, he withdrew his application and went back to work.

"Yes," Iruka said. He rubbed Kakashi's back. "I'll watch the show with you when it comes on tomorrow."

"Okay." Kakashi turned his attention from the tv to Iruka. "Let's talk."

Iruka suspected that meant Kakashi was bored of tv right now if it couldn't produce the show he wanted. Well, that was a normal reaction, and he couldn't expect Kakashi to watch tv all day.

"About what?" Iruka asked neutrally.

"Things," Kakashi said.

"What kind of things?" Iruka asked gently, smiling. He figured out by Kakashi's evasion that the man was feeling shy. Intimidated children did the same kind of runaround with people they talked to.

"Things about you," Kakashi said. "I want to get to know you."

Iruka swallowed a protest, and tried to keep from blushing. He was flattered and also wary. But ultimately what won out was the sweetness of the moment; Kakashi was like a little kid, with a little kid's honesty and interest. "Alright."

"I'll answer your questions, too," Kakashi said, as if he hadn't heard Iruka's acquiescence. "I'll answer anything you want me to, Ruka-chan."

_Ruka-chan?_ Iruka didn't recall saying it was okay for Kakashi to call him '-chan'; still, it was cute, and he didn't mind. "Okay, Kashi-chan," he retorted, grinning.

Kakashi perked up. "Kashi-chan?"

"Yes." Iruka poked the tip of his nose gently. "That's you."

Kakashi smiled. Iruka could barely make it out underneath Kakashi's mask. It was a sweet smile. "Kay."

"What're your questions?" Iruka prompted gently, set at ease by that smile.

"What was your first date?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka almost pulled away. "What?" _What kind of a question is that?_

"How old were you?" Kakashi asked. "Did it go well? Did you date that person some more? Was it any good?" He beamed. "Do you like anyone, Ruka-sensei?"

Iruka flushed, trying to recover. If Kakashi was going to hit on him like this, regression or not, then he could ask the same kind of embarrassing questions. "Well, what was your first date, Kashi-chan?"

"Never been on one," Kakashi said.

Iruka instantly felt bad for jumping to conclusions. _He's not hitting on me. He's curious._ He shook his head at himself. _Get your head out of the gutter. Am I going to make a habit of this? _"Oh." He hugged Kakashi. "I'm sorry."

"Does that mean it's good?" Kakashi asked. "Dating?"

"Very good," Iruka said gently. "It's healthy."

"I know," Kakashi said. "But I can't get anyone to date me."

Iruka felt those words rip through the outer hull of his heart, puncturing holes in it just after he'd taped it back together from earlier this morning. "Kakashi-kun, when you recover from your sharingan overuse, and you still want to, I'll date you." How much harm could it do? He'd at least show Kakashi the ropes, if the Copy Ninja wanted him to. Someone had to parent Kakashi; Kakashi wasn't going to learn these things by himself.

"Really?" Kakashi looked at him hopefully. There it was; Kakashi's trust issues popping out again.

"Really." Iruka hugged on him again and kissed his forehead.

Kakashi settled down in his arms. "Okay."

"Is that all you wanted to know?" Iruka asked, bemused.

"Uh-huh."

Iruka flushed. "Well…my first date was to an arcade with a café in it. And all I had was a soda. But it was a fun date. I was twelve. So I thought it was the best thing in the world. And I did date him again, and I did like him."

Kakashi fell silent, considering.

Iruka thought it was strange that Kakashi didn't ask him who it was. But he supposed that might not matter to Kakashi.

"Why didn't you end up with him?" Kakashi asked finally. "Did he die?"

"No," Iruka said. He squeezed Kakashi. "He was a jerk."

Kakashi gave Iruka a concerned look. "Oh." He turned around in Iruka's arms and hugged Iruka, snuggling. "I'm sorry, Ruka-chan."

"It's okay," Iruka said. He looked away and mumbled, "I got over him." Some days, he wondered if that were true. It was pretty hard to get over someone trying to kill you.

"No, you didn't," Kakashi said.

Iruka felt this was the worst possible time for Kakashi to be observant. "No, I didn't," he agreed with a sigh. "I've been fooling myself. I haven't dated anyone since him. It's been…" He sighed again. "It's been three and a half years since I broke up with him, but…"

"That's not enough," Kakashi said. "Obito and Rin and Sensei still make me sad. It's been a lot more years than three."

Iruka hugged Kakashi tightly.

**xXx**

Kakashi fell asleep, and Iruka got up and did the dishes. He needed to do laundry, too. He crossed back through the living room, checking to make sure Kakashi was comfortably asleep, and then started a wash.

When he came back, Kakashi had started to squirm, so Iruka sat down beside him and stroked his head.

Kakashi stopped struggling in his sleep after a few moments, whispering something that sounded suspiciously like 'Naruto'.

Iruka suddenly wondered if Kakashi were having nightmares about the mission to aid the Sand. After all, that was how Kakashi had come back chakra exhausted. He must have done some pretty intense fighting. And Naruto had been there. Then he wondered why he was jumping to conclusions. Kakashi could dream about Naruto whether Naruto had been are lately or not.

A chakra presence outside the door to his apartment startled Iruka, and snapped Kakashi awake. Then someone knocked on the door, rather insistently.

Kakashi was on his feet in a heartbeat, hands clenched.

Iruka jumped up and took Kakashi's shoulders. "No, no, it's okay. I promise."

"We're not –" The alarm suddenly drained out of Kakashi's gray eye, and his shoulders slumped.

"We're not being attacked," Iruka finished.

Kakashi nodded and hung his head. "I was just dreaming –"

"I know." Iruka hugged him and then went to answer the door. The person was banging on it by now. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kakashi trailing after him, yellow blanket draped over his shoulders.

Iruka was no sensor nin, so he was surprised when he opened the door and found Sakura standing there.

"Iruka-sensei!" Sakura scowled and waved a finger in his face. "I can't believe you had something to do with this!"

Kakashi crept up behind Iruka, looking over Iruka's shoulder. He chuckled. "Maa, hello, Sakura-chan."

"You," Sakura hissed. She glared at her former teacher. "You are impossible. Why do you always sneak away from those trying to help you?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Bad habit, I guess."

"And why would you run to Iruka-sensei?" Sakura demanded.

"I didn't," Kakashi said.

"Yes, you did, you escaped and –"

"Gai took me," Kakashi said. "In a wheelchair. I didn't do any running."

Sakura let out a sound of pure rage.

"I thought you'd be happy," Kakashi said, looking let down.

"Why would I be happy?" Sakura yelled.

"Gai used a wheelchair," Kakashi said. "I didn't strain myself. I ended up somewhere nice and warm and safe…"

Sakura rubbed a hand over her face. "Okay, fine. But Shishou isn't happy about it, and she wants to see you, now. And she thinks it's my fault for not making sure you stayed where you were supposed to – like I'm the teacher and you're the student! Honestly, Kaka-sensei!"

"I'm coming, too," Iruka put in.

Sakura looked confused. "Why would you come?"

Iruka sighed and gave her a patient look. "Because I said so. And I am still your sensei."

Sakura turned pink and hung her head. "Sorry, Iruka-sensei…"

Iruka smiled cheerfully. "That's okay." He patted her head. Then he turned to Kakashi. "Are you ready to go see the Hokage?"

Kakashi whimpered. "She's scary."

"I'll make sure she's not too scary," Iruka said. "I'll be there. Remember?" He gave Kakashi an encouraging smile. "I'll even teleport you there, so that we don't have to walk."

Kakashi wound his arms around Iruka's waist and clung.

Sakura looked disturbed. Iruka wished it were more of 'there's something wrong with Kaka-sensei' and less of 'Kaka-sensei is weird'.

He shrugged it off and did the hand seals for teleportation jutsu. "Here we go…"

They appeared in a flash in the Hokage's office. Tsunade sat behind her oversized desk, Shizune in attendance.

"Well, it's about time," Tsunade said. "Would you believe I actually had to ask Sakura to track him down? Where did you find him, Iruka?"

Iruka blinked. "At my home."

Tsunade was taken aback. "Your home?"

"Which is exactly where he was this entire time," Iruka said. "Safe and sound. I'm not sure why there has been any confusion. Gai-san certainly must have informed you of his decision to ask me to take care of Kakashi until his return from his mission."

"He did not," Tsunade said.

Iruka had a headache. He massaged the bridge of his nose with a grimace.

"He had my permission," Kakashi ventured.

"I know," Tsunade said. "You're the escapee."

Kakashi grinned sheepishly. "Maa, since I've escaped into the warm and wonderful arms of Iruka-sensei, you can't object to me staying where it's warm and safe, can you?"

"Actually, I can," Tsunade said.

Kakashi's smile faded.

"Gai had no authority to remove you from the hospital," Tsunade said.

"I don't care," Kakashi said. "I asked him to."

"And Gai-san asked me to take care of him," Iruka said. "I already promised. Are you going to make me break a promise to a fellow ninja, Godaime-sama?"

"Kakashi is going back to the hospital," Tsunade said flatly.

Kakashi wrapped his arms around Iruka's neck and clung. "No!" He buried his face against Iruka's shoulder. "Ruka, don't let her take me."

Iruka had been going to bow to Tsunade's wishes – with a heavy heart – but not now. He wrapped his arms around Kakashi protectively. "There are things better treated in the home, Godaime-sama."

"Chakra exhaustion is not one of them," Tsunade said.

Iruka stared her down. "No, but this is."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"Kakashi is suffering from more than chakra exhaustion," Iruka said, trying to spell it out for her without saying anything that would reveal the topic of discussion to Kakashi.

"Yes," Kakashi added, still hiding against Iruka. "I'm the victim of meanness."

"Meanness," Tsunade said blankly.

"The nurses are mean to me!"

Iruka gave her his most serious look.

"Kakashi, brat, that's one of your most frequent excuses," Tsunade said. "I don't believe it, Sandaime didn't believe it – I am not going to admit your release from the hospital on the grounds of some unquantified 'meanness'. That's ridiculous. Our medical staff is highly trained to take care of you, and they do a good job."

"No," Kakashi wailed. "Ruka, don't let her."

Iruka was alarmed, and as a result, extremely frustrated with the situation. 'You're upsetting him,' he mouthed at Tsunade.

Tsunade's eyebrows shot up.

Iruka started rubbing Kakashi's back.

"Don't wanna go."

"I know," Iruka murmured. "You're not going. Everything is going to be okay."

"Iruka, you can't make these kinds of decisions," Tsunade objected. "Kakashi has a terrible track record of not staying in bed and going back to work too early."

"Then I'll watch him!" Iruka snapped.

"You have classes to teach," Tsunade retorted.

"Then I – I put in my sick leave." Iruka was bewildered at himself. "And my vacation time!"

"You can't –"

Shizune stopped her. "Godaime-sama," Shizune whispered fiercely, shaking her head. Iruka caught some of what she said into Tsunade's ear. "He can…at any time…legally obligated…"

"Bullshit!" Tsunade yelled.

Shizune blushed furiously. "If you want to break the law, then go ahead! But I'm going to report you to the council for denying someone's saved up leave for no reason other than you're already angry and you didn't get enough sleep last night."

Tsunade pouted and crossed her arms, looking remarkably like a sulky Jiraiya for a split second. Iruka blinked, and the resemblance was gone. "Fine. Take your sick leave. I don't care. But at the end of your –"

"Two months and three days," Shizune said.

Tsunade scowled even more furiously. "Two months and three days, if you're not at work on the dot, I'm going to fire you."

Iruka nodded, because he couldn't bow with Kakashi clinging to him. "Thank you, Godaime-sama. I am glad that cooler heads have prevailed. Two months should be enough time for Kakashi to make a full recovery. I will supervise him every step of the way, so that he does not overstep his boundaries and strain himself."

"I'll want you to give me weekly reports about his progress," Tsunade said.

"I will," Iruka said.

Kakashi dared to look up from Iruka's shoulder. Tsunade didn't comment. He stared at Tsunade in amazement. Slowly, he unwound his arms from Iruka's neck, shifting his clinging to Iruka's right arm.

"Go home," Tsunade said.

"Yes, Godaime-sama." Iruka bowed the best he could with Kakashi clinging to his arm.

"At least you had the sense to sort this out on the weekend," Tsunade muttered.

Iruka figured that was as close to acceptance as he was going to get from her. He turned his attention to Kakashi. "Come on. Let's go," he said softly. He slipped his free arm around Kakashi's waist and led Kakashi from the office, shielding Kakashi against him.

Izumo and Kotetsu looked at him incredulously as he exited, but he didn't have time to explain. Nor did he want to around Kakashi.

"Is that all?" Kakashi asked. He still sounded anxious.

"Everything's okay now," Iruka said.

"She seemed mad," Kakashi said. "Was she mad?"

"Yes, she was," Iruka said. "But she's not mad now. She got over it."

"Are you sure?"

Iruka felt a stab of pain in his chest. "Yes, I'm sure. She's okay, now. And even if she weren't, I would protect you."

Kakashi quivered.

"Let me teleport us back home," Iruka said.

"Okay."

Iruka made the hand seals and took Kakashi away with him, disappearing in a flash of wind and leaves. He internally apologized to the janitor for the mess. He knew someone would have to sweep up the leaves he'd left behind. He'd never perfected his teleportation jutsu past the level of moderate effectiveness.

They arrived in his living room after a heartbeat of emptiness and weightlessness.

Kakashi pulled him down onto the couch immediately and climbed into his lap, pulling the covers around them. "That was scary. Do I get extra snuggles because of this? Because I want snuggles."

Iruka was disconcerted. Then he recalled the way Naruto always wanted more ramen, even when he knew for a fact Naruto was full, the way some younger students clung to his hand after he patted them on the shoulder.

He wrapped his arms around Kakashi and rocked the man gently. "Of course, extra snuggles. Who could endure that without extra snuggles?"

"That's what I thought," Kakashi said. He sounded alarmingly close to crying.

Iruka stroked his hair.

"Is Tsunade going to come back?" Kakashi asked, burying his face against the crook of Iruka's neck. Kakashi's mask tickled. "What if she changes her mind?"

"Then I'm going to beat her up," Iruka said firmly.

Kakashi laughed. "You can't do that. She's stronger than you. She could kill you if she wanted."

"She wouldn't do that," Iruka said.

"No, because you're too useful," Kakashi said. "But she would hurt you, though."

Iruka continued rocking Kakashi. _Why can't anyone but me see that Kakashi is wounded? Honestly, Tsunade seemed to think Kakashi was joking. What kind of a person jokes about things like that? He was terrified of her. _"She's not going to hurt me, either."

"How come?" Kakashi asked. "I don't think she likes you, now. People don't like it when someone gets close to me. People don't like Gai, either. They say it's because he has big eyebrows and likes green, but I think those are just excuses. It's really because he likes me. Those other things don't make sense."

Iruka didn't know what to say to that. It was true that most of the reasons he'd heard people state for disliking Gai were shallow, but he'd never thought of them as excuses. _Does Kakashi have a point?_

Kakashi shifted against him. "You don't think I'm bad luck, do you?"

"Why would I think that?" Iruka asked, running his fingers through Kakashi's hair.

"Because I make people die," Kakashi said.

"We all make people die," Iruka said wryly. "It's our job."

"I make people I love die," Kakashi said. "I can't figure out how I'm doing it, but it happens. You don't think it's because of bad luck, do you? I don't believe in that. Other people do…but I think it must be something I'm doing to make it happen."

_What horrible, macabre thoughts_. Iruka didn't think it was necessarily a good sign that he was getting used to the horrifying nature of some of the things Kakashi said. "Like what?" Iruka asked.

"I don't know," Kakashi said.

"Who died?" Iruka asked reasonably.

"Obito," Kakashi said. "Sensei. Rin. They all died. And they were my team. They're not supposed to die." He let out a sigh. "They died because of me. I was the bad one."

"Kakashi…when people die, it's not your fault," Iruka said. "Not even when you kill them on purpose. The fault lies with the person who hired you. There isn't any blood on your hands personally because either it was something you didn't intend, or it was your job. It's not the same as being a murderer." He had to believe that, they all had to believe that, or else none of them would do what they did.

"What if Gai dies?" Kakashi asked.

"Then it's not your fault," Iruka said gently.

Kakashi finally relaxed against him. "Okay, Ruka-sensei."

Iruka wished Tsunade could see this. If she could, then she'd understand why he'd been so adamant in keeping Kakashi with him.

"What if you die?" Kakashi said finally, asking the question in a tiny voice.

"I'm not going to die," Iruka said. He hugged Kakashi, shielding Kakashi physically from these thoughts. "You already ordered me not to. I'm not going to disobey a direct order, Kashi-chan."

"Okay." Kakashi fell asleep, virtually passing out.

Iruka wrapped Kakashi up in covers and cradled Kakashi in his arms, stroking Kakashi's hair. _What has been done to you? And how can I undo it?_

He vowed then and there that no matter how long it took him, he would.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

After Iruka woke Kakashi up for lunch and gave Kakashi some pain medication for his head, the man seemed pretty chipper. If drugged out.

"Maa, Ruka-sensei, what do you do around here for fun?" Kakashi asked. He looked around the living room with interest. "Do you have any games?"

"I'm afraid not," Iruka said. "I don't often have free time, you see, so…" He trailed off. _Why don't I have any games? You'd think I'd at least have a board game or two and a deck of cards._ But, no. Whenever he finally caught a break long enough to relax, he went over to his friends' homes to play games and drink beer. Unless he was on the way to a gathering, he never purchased alcohol, and when his friends gathered at his place, they brought their own games.

He was, he realized suddenly, _boring_. The thought horrified Iruka.

Kakashi beamed. "Let's make up a game."

Iruka was startled that Kakashi didn't seem to mind; in fact, that Kakashi had missed the Hokage Monument sized target that being a boring teacher presented. _He's not going to mock me? _"Make up a game? How do we do that?"

"Maa, we just think of something," Kakashi said. He rolled off the sofa and onto the floor, lying on his back comfortably. He shifted against the carpet and crossed his arms behind his head.

Iruka was bemused. "Do you want me to join you?"

"Sure," Kakashi said.

Iruka got down on the floor of his living room and lay next to Kakashi, feeling absurd. He mimicked Kakashi's posture, crossing his arms behind his head and spreading his legs out straight and flat. Iruka realized he had never once lain down on his living room floor. _This is a strange experience… _It wasn't bad. The navy carpet was warm. And he always kept the floors in his house clean.

"So, let's think of something," Kakashi said, re-opening the subject.

"Oh." Iruka was startled out of his preoccupation with how it felt to lie on his floor. "Yes." He glanced at Kakashi, then stared up at his ceiling. _I never noticed how white it was before. _

"Let's play a word game," Kakashi said.

Iruka, again, found this abrupt. But he wasn't going to argue. "Okay. What kind of word game?"

"We give each other a word, and then we take turns talking about words that have to do with that word," Kakashi decided. "Like…ano…if I say dog, then you say…dog sled. Try finding words that begin the same, but have different endings. Or phrases that include the word."

Iruka nodded. "Okay…if I say 'dog sled', what do you say?"

"Old dog," Kakashi said.

Iruka smiled. "So I say…pet dog."

"I say ninja dog," Kakashi said.

Iruka grinned. He was getting a feel for this game now. "Okay. I can play this game. It sounds like fun."

Kakashi nodded, and smiled at him. "Great."

"Do you want to keep going on 'dog'?" Iruka asked.

"Sure," Kakashi said. "It's your turn, Ruka-sensei."

"Mm…" Iruka thought for a moment, squinting up at his very white ceiling. "War dog."

"Mad dog," Kakashi said immediately.

"Hot dog," Iruka returned.

"Dog food." Kakashi's visible eye sparkled.

"Male dog."

"Good dog."

"Sheep dog."

"Shaggy dog!"

"Stray dog," Iruka called out, enjoying the sound of their voices filling the room. The apartment hadn't felt this full in a long time; not since five peers from his graduating class had met here for a card game.

"Police dog," Kakashi decided.

"Rescue dog," Iruka retorted.

Kakashi grinned. "Dog whistle."

"Therapy dog…"

"Dog breed."

"Dog-eared book!" Iruka grinned at him.

Kakashi laughed. "Icha Icha."

Iruka chuckled, rolling onto his side to face Kakashi. "Jiraiya-sensei."

"Naruto."

"Minato-sensei."

"Rin."

Iruka was startled at the turn this game had taken. "Ah…"

Kakashi looked at Iruka with wide eyes. "I haven't visited my team," he whispered.

Iruka knew instantly he had to respond, or face an upset Kakashi. "Let's go visit them now."

Kakashi climbed to his feet. "Okay."

Iruka got up as well. "Just make sure you dress warmly. I don't want a cold, shivering Kashi-chan on my hands."

"Why not?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka hugged him impulsively. "Because then I'll have to snuggle him warm." _Whoa, did I just come onto him?_

Kakashi chuckled. "Okay." He clung to Iruka in return.

Iruka remembered Kakashi's unreliable state of maturity. _No…I was just falling into a bantering routine like I would with a child. That's right._ He hugged Kakashi tightly and then let him go. "I have scarves…"

He walked back to his bedroom.

Kakashi trailed after him curiously.

After Iruka got Kakashi bundled up with two scarves, a sweater, winter gloves, and sweatpants, complete with nice, thick socks to keep Kakashi's feet warm, he allowed Kakashi out of the house with him. It was the end of summer, and the season was fading in and out. He didn't want any cold wind to cut through Kakashi's delicate frame. Chakra exhaustion made one more susceptible to the cold.

They exited the apartment. Iruka kept an eye on Kakashi carefully, but Kakashi seemed steady on his feet. And a little exercise wouldn't do him any harm. In fact, in moderate doses, non-chakra assisted exercise actually generated chakra. Kakashi's improvement would be helped along by a walk across the village.

Kakashi unerringly led him through the streets until they reached the outskirts of the village. Iruka silently followed, keeping his mouth shut even though he recognized where they were going. This was the place he tried to avoid going too often; the memorial stone had the names of his parents engraved on it. Seeing those names, detached from him, matter-of-factly spelled out in orderly grooves, never failed to fill Iruka with a sense of numbness.

He saw the memorial stone before he wanted to, his gaze snapping to it and latching on.

Kakashi didn't appear to notice his discomfort; the man was absorbed in his own thoughts.

Iruka hung back, while Kakashi crossed over directly to the front of the memorial stone and knelt in front of it. Wrapped up against the cold, this sight was somehow even more poignant than Iruka expected it to be.

"Hi," Kakashi said softly. "Sorry I didn't come. I was in the hospital. And then at Iruka-sensei's place. But he told me to call him Ruka, so I'm going to do that from now on, 'kay? But I mean Iruka-sensei."

Iruka wondered, _Has Kakashi spoken of me before to them? _Kakashi's remarks certainly hinted at that possibility. And if Kakashi kept his team appraised of the news in his life, then he probably had mentioned Iruka once or twice.

Kakashi gestured at him. "You can come over here."

Iruka froze in shock. "Me?"

Kakashi gave him a strange look. "Yes, you. Who else would I be talking to?"

Iruka swallowed a retort and walked over. His legs had already gone numb at the summons. "Yes?" he said quietly.

"They want to meet you," Kakashi said. "They say you never come."

Iruka felt a shiver down his spine. "Well…" _There's no such thing as spirits lingering around gravestones and things…are there? _He'd always believed that spirits went to an afterlife. _Oh, come off it,_ he chided himself. _Kakashi probably said that because he never see you when he comes to visit his team._

"It's okay," Kakashi said. "Everyone has their own way of coping. Maybe yours doesn't involve visiting gravestones. That's okay." He looked up at Iruka expectantly.

Iruka knelt beside Kakashi, sinking down to Kakashi's eye level.

Kakashi turned his gaze back to the memorial stone, his hands resting comfortably on his knees. "See? He's here." He glanced at Iruka. "They say hi."

"Hi," Iruka said, smiling wryly in spite of himself. This was kind of cute, even if it was old-fashioned. Most people either believed like Iruka did, or they made shrines in their homes. After the first few years of a person's death, people generally stopped visiting gravesites.

Kakashi smiled at the memorial stone, seeming happy with this exchange. "So…Oh." He raised his eyebrows. "That's right. You don't know. I got chakra exhausted by being attacked by Itachi and using my new powers to combat Akatsuki. Minato-sensei knows what Akatsuki is. Ask him. I unlocked the mangekyou sharingan ability. Obito, did you know about that? Oh. I guess not."

The fluidity of this conversation Iruka could only hear half of amazed him; Kakashi had clearly been visiting the stone for years, with faithful regularity. Keeping his team alive in spirit form the only way he knew how: by talking with them.

Kakashi tilted his head. "Rin, you're silent." Then he smiled. "Ah, you're worried. Maa, don't be concerned. Ruka-chan is taking care of me. He's a good caretaker." He spread his arms. "See this? Ruka-sensei did this to keep me from being cold. He's good."

Kakashi talked for several more minutes about things that had happened, and related them back to experiences he'd had with his team.

Iruka waited patiently, and rose when Kakashi did. They walked companionably side by side when they left the memorial stone. "So…did that go well?" Iruka asked.

"Oh, it always goes well," Kakashi said. "They're my team. They love me."

Iruka squeezed his shoulder and smiled.

**xXx**

They ended up back on the couch in the living room, Iruka's arm around Kakashi's shoulders.

"Tsunade…" Kakashi sighed. "Is she going to make you report on me? Like what I do? Every day?"

"I'm sure I can control the flow of information in my reports to include only things she would be interested in," Iruka said.

"Like what?" Kakashi asked.

"Like your energy level," Iruka said.

"Oh." Kakashi thought about that. "She doesn't seem to like me very much, does she? I thought she might yell at me, but still. She was a little harsh."

"Honestly, I can't fathom what's the matter with her," Iruka said. "She treated you like an enemy. Why in the world would Tsunade be sure that you would hurt yourself unless you were in the hospital?"

"Well, when I was little, I used to stick my finger down my throat and cough up the medication after nurse gave it to me." Kakashi looked at the floor and shuffled his foot. "She probably remembers it or something."

"Why did you do that, Kashi-chan?" Iruka asked gently.

Kakashi glanced up at him. "I was scared. Because…" Kakashi visibly struggled to put it into words. Then he shook his head and looked away. "It's stupid. I was stupid."

"No, you weren't," Iruka said, pulling Kakashi into his arms. "You were just scared."

Kakashi nodded, relaxing. "After I was in that program…the nurses…there were a lot of female caregivers in the program, and there was…something wrong with them." He furrowed his brow. "Something was wrong with them. They gave me a prickly feeling. I thought maybe –" He broke off.

Iruka was alarmed. "Did they hurt you?"

Kakashi shook his head, wide-eyed. "No, no, no. They were very nice. It's just that –" He stopped and let out a frustrated breath.

"Take your time," Iruka said softly. He wondered if maybe stroking Kakashi's hair would help. He ran his fingers through Kakashi's hair slowly.

Kakashi relaxed enough to rest his head on Iruka's shoulder. "I thought they were trying to poison me. Or…do something bad to me. Something mean. I don't know why. I just thought so. So I would wait until no one was watching me…and throw up all the pills someplace. I was being very clever. The only problem was when…I wasn't getting any better. And they got suspicious. They found out…what I was doing. And they were angry…" He curled into Iruka, trembling.

_Shit!_ Iruka hugged Kakashi tightly. "It's okay. It's okay now. No one's angry with you. No one who counts. I'll protect you. Kashi…"

Kakashi stopped trembling and clung to him.

Iruka rocked him gently. "Did you ever tell anyone?"

"Who would I tell?" Kakashi sounded lost.

"It's okay." Iruka rubbed his back. "You can tell me now. I'm here."

"They stuck me with needles because I was throwing up all the pills," Kakashi said. "They thought I was trying to commit suicide or something, so they got really mad and locked me up with the mental patients. They did that because they were mad. I wasn't trying to do anything, really. I just didn't trust the pills. But they wouldn't let me out, even when I said I was sorry. I promised to behave…" Kakashi's shoulders sagged. "They didn't believe me. They never believe me."

"I believe you," Iruka said immediately. "You've behaved wonderfully the entire time you have been here."

Kakashi brightened, lifting his head from Iruka's shoulder. "I have?"

"Yes." Iruka petted his head. "I am very proud of you."

Kakashi gave him a blinding smile.

Iruka was taken aback at how easy Kakashi was to please. _Praise is the path to happy students._ Someone had said that to him once when he started his teaching job. He thought it may have been Sandaime. In any case, he'd taken the advice seriously. And it had admittedly led to a lot of students telling him he was 'their favorite'.

"Kashi-chan, is it okay if I ask you a question?" Iruka asked. "You don't have to answer."

"Okay," Kakashi said. "What is it?" He tilted his head.

"Was Minato-sensei nice to you?"

Kakashi melted. "Minato-sensei was the nicest. I loved him a lot. I mean, I love him now, but he's dead. People speak in past tense about dead people. For some reason."

The ball of tension in Iruka's gut dissolved. "Okay." He ran his fingers through Kakashi's hair again. "Good."

"Minato-sensei was my favorite person in the world, once," Kakashi said. "Since he's not here anymore, I had to make due, but it's not the same. I still miss him and want him to come back."

"I understand that," Iruka said, cradling Kakashi and thinking of his parents. He still wished his parents would come back, even knowing they wouldn't. He figured Kakashi meant the same thing.

He realized suddenly that he didn't know anything about Kakashi's religious beliefs. Iruka squeezed Kakashi tightly and commented, "You know, I was brought up to believe that everyone goes to the same place eventually."

Kakashi looked curious. "What do you mean?"

"Our spirits," Iruka said. "After we die, we go to a place where we can all be safe and loved, all the time. And everyone is together. That is what my mother told me."

"Oh." Kakashi thought about that. "I never heard of that before. I thought everybody was kind of stuck, or they disappeared, or something. I like your idea better. That sounds like a lot more fun."

"Maybe, if I'm right, we'll get to see Minato-sensei again," Iruka said lightly. "And this time, there will be no pulling us apart. We'd never have to say goodbye again."

Kakashi gave him a shy smile. "I'd like that. I hope you're right, Ruka-sensei. I really want to see Minato-sensei again."

"And I want to see my parents," Iruka said, stroking Kakashi's cheek. "So I hope I'm right, too."

Kakashi hugged him. "You're very good at this."

"What?" Iruka was startled.

"Making me feel better," Kakashi said. "Gai does it too, but not as good as you."

Iruka laughed. "I'm not going to tell Gai that, are you?"

"Maa, maybe I will," Kakashi said, with a teasing look. "He needs to know the truth, after all. If he thinks he's already the best there is, he won't try to improve."

Iruka snorted. "And now I know why he calls you Eternal Rivals. You're always trying to bait him into getting better at things, aren't you?"

Kakashi grinned. "Mm-hmm."

Iruka laughed at Kakashi's unrepentant attitude. "Well, I guess everyone has their own way of building a friendship. Gai seems to like it when you do that to him, so I guess it's alright."

Kakashi nodded. "Gai loves it when I tease him and make him do things by telling him he can't. He says that makes me a 'hip and cool rival'."

After a few more minutes of talking about Gai, Kakashi wound down enough to go to sleep. He took a nap, snuggled up to Iruka.

**xXx**

Half an hour later, Sakura showed back up at the door, a less than attractive expression on her face of resigned exasperation. "Okay…Shishou says I have to help you move Kaka-sensei's belongings into here so he can live here for the next two and a half months."

"Two and a half months? Really?" Iruka gave her a look of mild surprise. "I thought it was two months, three days, and then I'd be fired if I didn't show back up for work."

Sakura sighed and ran a hand through her hair, brushing it back from her forehead. "Shishou and I got to talking with Shizune about what would be best for Kaka-sensei, and it seems Shishou and Shizune think that his recovery is estimated at two and a half months…so they just want you to go back on duty when Kaka-sensei is better."

Kakashi was visibly relieved.

He stood several paces behind Iruka, in the kitchen. When Sakura had knocked on the door, Kakashi had come along with Iruka to answer it, but not gone the full distance, apparently recognizing Sakura's chakra before Iruka did.

Iruka nodded, internally as relieved as Kakashi looked.

Sakura pouted. "I still don't understand why you're taking care of him instead of letting us take care of Kaka-sensei at the hospital, Iruka-sensei."

Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "Because he's nice."

Sakura crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "Yeah, Iruka-sensei is nice. And you're taking advantage of him to avoid the hospital. Because he's so nice."

Kakashi blinked, the smile disappearing. "Taking advantage of him?" His gaze slid to Iruka. "No I'm not. Ruka-chan says that I can stay here because I want to stay here. He says I'm behaving well."

Iruka knew when he saw Kakashi's smile disappear that he needed to step in, and quickly. He was surprised that Kakashi mounted a defense first – it seemed that telling Kakashi all those positive things really did work – but he knew that Kakashi's dutiful repetition of what he had said would be insufficient to stop Sakura's verbal attacking.

"I have volunteered to take care of Kakashi and take him into my home because I care about him," Iruka said. "He doesn't wish to be cooped up in the hospital, and honestly, who would when they have family to go home to? Now, Kakashi doesn't have a family, in the blood ties sense, but I am his family and I care about him the way a family member would. We all have to stick together."

Sakura cringed. "I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei. I got carried away."

"Yes, you did," Iruka said gently. "Don't reprimand your elders like that, and please don't second-guess my decisions. I am an adult. I can take care of myself, and others, and I choose to do so. Kakashi is under my protection. And I won't take kindly to you telling Kashi that he is taking advantage of me."

Sakura hung her head.

"And I'm not the only one you have to apologize to," Iruka said. He gestured at Kakashi. "I think you need to apologize to Kakashi, too."

Sakura's head snapped up. She looked at Kakashi with horror.

Kakashi hastily held up a hand. "Maa, I don't think that will be necessary."

Sakura looked to Iruka, her expression equal parts hopeful and nervous.

"Are you sure?" Iruka asked Kakashi. After all, he couldn't force Kakashi to take an apology from Sakura.

Kakashi chuckled. "Sakura has always been a little loudmouthed and hasty. I would hate to hold that against her now when I have put up with it for so many years without complaint."

Sakura turned bright red, let out a loud growl of frustration, and stomped out of the apartment. "I'm getting Kaka-sensei's things from his apartment!" she yelled from down the hall.

Kakashi scratched his temple. "What did I say?"

Iruka went to the front door and shut it. Then he turned to Kakashi with a rueful smile. "You don't know, do you?"

Kakashi shook his head. "No…Tell me."

Iruka wondered how to explain. "Speaking bluntly about someone's flaws makes them angry."

"It does?" Kakashi considered that.

"Yes," Iruka said gently.

"So if I told you that you have a reputation for having a temper, but your real flaw is being stubborn, I would make you angry with me?" Kakashi looked at him warily.

Iruka snorted, and had to concede that assessment. "Well…not all people will be angry. But a lot of people will."

Kakashi laughed. "I see." He smiled at Iruka cheerfully. "Thanks for the advice."

Iruka thought Kakashi was serious. _Oh, dear._ He chuckled and pulled Kakashi into his arms. "It's nothing."

"Mm." Kakashi snuggled up to him happily. "Back to the sofa for snuggles."

"I agree," Iruka said. He let Kakashi lead him back there.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

Sakura and Naruto came back, bearing Kakashi's belongings.

"I packed the really important stuff," Naruto announced.

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Like what?" Kakashi asked cheerfully.

Naruto held the scroll over his head. "Like your blanket!"

"My shuriken blanket?" Kakashi lit up.

"Of course!" Naruto grinned and gave Kakashi a thumbs up, setting the giant scroll down and leaning on it. "You can't sleep in a strange place without the stuff from your bed, Kaka-sensei!"

Sakura gave Naruto a look. "He's a ninja. He's slept without his bedding all the time."

"Maa, but that was in the field," Kakashi said. "It would make me pine if my blanket and pillows were just across town, tempting me to return home and face Iruka-sensei's wrath if he discovered I had gone."

"We could have gotten your belongings in another day or so," Iruka said tolerantly, amused.

Kakashi laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "True, true."

"Then why did we have to lug all of this stuff over here?" Sakura grumbled.

"Because Tsunade ordered you to," Kakashi said, looking confused.

Sakura turned bright red and scowled.

"There's more!" Naruto broke in.

"More?" Kakashi looked at Naruto with wide eyes.

Naruto grinned and nodded.

Sakura sighed.

Naruto pulled out a smaller scroll, rolled it out on Iruka's kitchen table, and unsealed it. "Yeah!" He gestured triumphantly at the houseplant that popped into existence with a puff of smoke.

Kakashi almost fainted. "Mr. Ukki!" He rushed over and hugged his houseplant's pot.

Sakura smacked her forehead.

Naruto chuckled, clearly proud of himself. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh." He grinned broadly. "I knew you couldn't live without Mr. Ukki!"

Kakashi hugged Naruto tightly, picking Naruto up an inch off the floor.

Naruto was shocked. "Uh, hey!"

"Thank you," Kakashi said, squeezing Naruto tighter.

Iruka gave Naruto a gentle smile and a nod.

Naruto took this in for a moment, and then gave Kakashi a blinding smile. "No problem, Kaka-sensei!"

Kakashi released him and ruffled his hair, chuckling. "I'm very proud of you. Mr. Ukki would have been lonely. It is clear to me that you can hear the secret language of plants."

"Uh…sure." Naruto rubbed the back of his head. He shot a confused look at Iruka.

Iruka grinned and shrugged.

Naruto followed Iruka's lead and let Kakashi's strange comment go.

Kakashi sat down at the table, doting on Mr. Ukki and poking a leaf gently. "Mr. Ukki…did you miss me? I know. I'll take better care of you now. I have Ruka to help me. We'll make sure you stay fed and watered." He looked up. "Won't we, Ruka?"  
Iruka nodded. "Of course, Kashi."

Sakura looked nauseated and weirded out by her two teachers trading pet names.

Naruto scratched his head. "Ruka? Why does he keep calling you Ruka, Iruka-sensei?"

"It's a nickname my parents gave me," Iruka said gently. "You can call me 'Ruka' from now on, too, if you like. And you don't have to call me 'sensei' anymore. What about 'niisan'?"

Naruto fell silent. Then he grinned and flashed Iruka a double thumbs up, Jiraiya style. "You got it!" He laughed. "I'll call you Ruka-nii."

"Fine with me." Iruka was actually very excited, but he tried not to let on and spoil the moment. He'd wanted Naruto to call him 'niisan' ever since they'd battled Mizuki in the forest. But he'd never gotten the courage to ask until now. Kakashi really was changing his life for the better, he reflected. Somehow, he had more confidence around Kakashi.

He didn't let himself consider that in two months' time, Kakashi would be going back home, and he would be left alone.

After half an hour of visiting, during which Sakura warmed back up again, Iruka had to shoo them out. Kakashi was exhausted, and gamely trying not to show it. Sakura had unpacked all of Kakashi's clothing into Iruka's spare bedroom, along with some basic belongings like tooth brush, hair brush, electric razor, blow dryer, et cetera. Naruto had unsealed the scrolls he brought as well, showing off his good taste in necessities: Kakashi's blanket and both pillows, fuzzy slippers, stack of Icha Icha books, alarm clock, and instant ramen.

Naruto got snuggles with Kakashi on the couch, which Naruto relaxed about as soon as he received the Iruka head nod of approval. Iruka knew that Naruto was skittish around people, and too much affection could be overwhelming for the boy. A sad product of the way Naruto had grown up.

However, if Kakashi kept showing his affectionate side, Naruto would be used to snuggles in no time. Seeing Naruto get snuggled was mostly what seemed to warm Sakura back up into relaxed, smiling mode.

Iruka wished that their students could stay longer, but he knew Kakashi was nodding off, and due for another dose of pain medicine. "How about some dinner?"

"Okay," Kakashi said agreeably. "Do you want me to help you?"

Iruka considered the offer. "You're still a little weak. I'd rather you just rested."

"Okay," Kakashi said again. He nodded and sidled to the kitchen table, sitting down and propping his chin in his hands, his elbows on the table. "I want to watch you, though. You must be really good at cooking. Your cooking tastes good."

Iruka blushed. "Well…I had to learn."

"I didn't," Kakashi said.

Iruka was startled. "Don't you know how to cook at all?"

"Sure," Kakashi said. "But a lot of cooking is recipes, and I don't know any. I just sort of tinker around. Things end up tasting like soy sauce, or spicy."

Iruka chuckled, getting down the wok from the top cupboard over the kitchen stove. "Well, that's not always a bad thing, Kashi. People like soy sauce and spicy food sometimes. I wouldn't object to eating something you've cooked, when you're well enough not to be exhausted by your students when they come to visit."

"Sasuke's not going to come to visit," Kakashi said.

Iruka paused. He set the wok down on the burner gently. "I know." He looked at Kakashi sympathetically. "Does it still hurt?"

"It's his choice," Kakashi said.

Iruka nodded slowly. "I know."

He waited, but Kakashi seemed to be finished. He got out the vegetables from the refrigerator. Napa cabbage, bok choy, carrots, peas still in their pods. He prepared each of the vegetables in the necessary way and put some coconut oil in the pan. He always cooked with coconut oil. It was the best tasting to him.

Iruka scraped the vegetables off the cutting board and into the pan. They arrived with a loud sizzle and a cloud of steam. Iruka put the lid on the wok and turned to Kakashi. "So, what would you like with our vegetables? I've got shrimp, if you like that…otherwise it's to be chicken or beef. I don't have any pork left. I used it up last week."

Kakashi looked at him blankly.

Iruka looked back, wondering what Kakashi was reacting to. "Are you alright?"

"Maa…" Kakashi scratched his temple. "You asked me to choose something."

"Well, yeah," Iruka said.

"You never asked me before," Kakashi said.

"You were too sleepy," Iruka said.

Kakashi paused, stumped. "I don't know what to say."

"Why?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi shifted in his chair. "Well…it's not my food. You're just sharing. I don't have a right to tell you what to make."

Iruka bit his lip, holding back an instinctive argument. He wasn't sure how he could break through that opinion. This sounded like yet another ingrained habit or belief. "It's not bad manners," he said finally.

Kakashi perked up a little. "Oh. Well, then…maybe if I could have beef? That would be nice." He suddenly looked apprehensive.

Iruka gave him a warm smile. "Kashi-chan, beef is no trouble. I'd like anything but chicken. I've been eating too much chicken lately. It gets boring." He got his diced beef out of the freezer and popped it in the microwave. Even though it was more work up front, he prepared his meat as soon as he brought it home and stuck it in the freezer for later convenience.

"So tell me…have things always been uncomfortable between you and Sakura?" Iruka asked.

"Sort of," Kakashi said. He looked away.

"Why?" Iruka asked. He was more curious than anything else.

"Girls," Kakashi muttered. "I don't like girls."

Iruka slid his gaze to Kakashi warily. He wasn't sure what to say. To his knowledge, Kakashi didn't have anything particular against women. After all, Kakashi got along with Kurenai. But Kakashi had said 'girls'; that could imply that Kakashi didn't tolerate female company under the age of twenty. "You think…maybe Sakura picks up on that?"

Kakashi smiled at him cheerfully. "You think so? I think so. I wonder, anyway." He scratched his temple. "We never did get along very well. In the survival exam I gave Team 7 at the outset, I tortured her a little bit." He chuckled sheepishly. "Maa, it may have been more than a little bit, but it's hard to tell." He shrugged. "She survived from it, at any rate. That alone shows she is a good ninja. Not that I would tell her that."

"Torture?" Iruka said skeptically.

"I showed her a picture of Sasuke dying," Kakashi said, with more than a little satisfaction. "That was fun. She made a really funny scream." He tapped his chin. "Maa…but then she fainted. So that may have been too much."

Iruka was horrified and amused at the same time. "Kashi-chan, why don't you like girls?"

"Girls are mean," Kakashi said immediately.

Iruka was worried, now. He wondered how this connected back to the nurses, and the female caregivers in the program Kakashi wasn't supposed to talk about. He crossed the kitchen and placed a hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "How are girls mean?"

"Maa, you know." Kakashi shrugged. He looked away casually. "They're just mean, you know. The things they do are mean. Like sticking you with needles. Maa…it's mean." He shrugged again. "There's nothing more to say. And if they do it to hurt you, so much the meaner it is. If they do it while telling you everything is going to be okay, and they're lying, then it's meaner still. Saying that they can solve all your problems, saying that they have the answer when all they have is a needle, it hurts. And they know that." His expression hardened. "I say, let them die. I said that to Obito, and he said –"

He snapped around, looking at Iruka with wide eyes.

Iruka could tell Kakashi was just as stunned as he was.

Kakashi gestured with both hands, hasty and apologetic. "When I said it about Rin, I was wrong. Obito was right. I shouldn't have said that. She is our teammate. I should protect her." His shoulders slumped. "She mangled me, but it's not her fault. He told her to." He touched his forehead protector where it hid his transplanted eye, self-conscious. "He said he wanted to see the future with me. Well, I'm the future, and I'm not any good at it."

Iruka knew that he'd well and truly gained Kakashi's trust. This out-pouring was something he imagined very few people ever got to listen to, much less participate in. He could ask Kakashi questions and actually get responses.

He pulled Kakashi into his arms. "It's okay. I don't think you're mangled."

Kakashi smiled. "Well, that's very kind of you." He winked. "I think you're not bad looking yourself, Ruka-sensei. You're a handsome kind of man."

Iruka blushed. _What? Why does this maturity come out all of a sudden?_

Kakashi chuckled. "And your blush is cute, too."

Iruka scowled, but he couldn't manage the expression very effectively. A laugh from Kakashi was much better than a sob. "Well, I've got to check on the vegetables. And add the beef."

Kakashi let him go, grinning.

Iruka absorbed what he'd learned while he finished making dinner, going through the process of stir-frying beef, adding seasoning, and cooking noodles with absent-minded skill.

_So he doesn't like girls because of the program he was in, and he's been like this since he was a little kid._ That explained why Kakashi's dating life had always seemed dead to him. Kakashi was an immediately recognizable public figure, so it wouldn't be much of a secret if he went on a date. Oh, one could use a Henge to disguise their identity, but it would be bad form. No one wanted to date someone that ashamed or that enamored of their privacy. Konoha ninjas were a pretty open lot.

Which further meant that Kakashi felt free to read Jiraiya's works in public because he didn't have anyone to impress; he wasn't looking for a date.

_Except he asked me out_. Iruka puzzled over that. He nodded to himself while he plated up their food. _But, I am a man. And he did seem more curious than anything._

**xXx**

They ate in near silence, and afterwards watched tv in the living room, snuggled up on the couch. When it got to be Iruka's usual bedtime – he liked to go to bed early and rise early, a common shinobi habit – he roused Kakashi from the man's half-doze. "Come on. Let's go to bed."

Kakashi whined. "I don't wanna go to bed. I'll have to go to bed in that scary room and I want to be with Ruka."

Iruka was startled. "Oh, yeah. Sakura did put all of your things in the guest bedroom." He smiled. "Well, that's easily fixed. Come on. Let's move all of your bed things into my room."

Kakashi leapt up from the sofa and happily allowed Iruka to switch out the blanket on Iruka's bed for Kakashi's shuriken themed blanket, and the pillow on the left side of Iruka's bed for Kakashi's pillow.

While Kakashi was brushing his teeth, Iruka got changed for bed. By the time he was done, Kakashi had turned off the sink and was on his way as well. Iruka almost snorted when Kakashi came through the door. Kakashi's pajamas, taken from the stash of clothing Naruto and Sakura packed, were blue with gray kittens on them. Iruka thought it was adorable.

He shooed Kakashi towards the bed. "Alright, into bed with you."

Kakashi obediently climbed under the covers.

"Here." Iruka tucked him in.

"You're coming, aren't you?" Kakashi asked. "You're getting under the covers, too."

"I'm just going to brush my teeth," Iruka said.

Kakashi watched him walk across the room to the bedroom door, looking sorely anxious, but Kakashi didn't say anything.

Iruka brushed his teeth as quickly as he dared and came back, slipping under the covers and scooting over, taking Kakashi into his arms.

Kakashi looked relieved when he came back into the room, but didn't fully relax until Iruka got into bed. Iruka rubbed his back. Kakashi clung to him.

"Time for bed," Iruka said gently.

"Ruka-sensei?" Kakashi blurted.

"Yes?" Iruka shifted so that he could see Kakashi's face.

"What if I confessed something?" Kakashi asked.

"What kind of something?" Iruka asked reasonably.

"Something that made you mad." Kakashi shifted nervously.

"Oh, I don't think you could confess something that could make me mad," Iruka said.

"S-Sensei…" Kakashi squirmed. "What if I told you…I told Gai to bring me here?"

"I'd believe you," Iruka said. He smiled. "But I wouldn't be mad. It makes sense for you to be here. We share our love for Naruto, after all. In fact, all of your students were in my class. It makes sense for you to seek out the only connections you have."

Kakashi ducked under the covers.

Iruka was curious.

Kakashi didn't come out. "What if I told you it was because I like you?"

Iruka laughed and ruffled Kakashi's hair from the wrong side of the covers, rubbing the head-shaped lump under the blanket. "I like you too."

Kakashi went still, lying under the covers limply.

Iruka wondered what was going through Kakashi's head.

"Ruka…"

"Yes, Kashi?" Iruka asked lightly.

"Will you really go on a first date with me?" Kakashi's voice was muffled, lower than it had been.

"Of course," Iruka said.

Kakashi slowly came out from under the covers. He wrapped his arms around Iruka's nearest arm and clung to Iruka's hand with both of his. "Good night."

Iruka kissed his forehead. "Good night, Kashi-chan."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

Iruka woke up to Kakashi thrashing and crying out. He scrambled for the lights and turned on his bedside lamp. That surge of golden light woke Kakashi up as well. He dropped onto his back, whimpering. Iruka rolled onto his side and wrapped an arm around Kakashi's waist. "Kashi-chan…"

"No," Kakashi sobbed, burying his face against Iruka's chest. "It's over."

"What's over?" Iruka asked softly, stroking Kakashi's head with his free hand.

"I'm not going this anymore. I'm going."

"You can't," Iruka protested, startled. "I have to take care of you."

Kakashi clung to him. "It's over, it's not right, everything's wrong, everything…" Iruka felt tears being shed against his pajama shirt. Then, abruptly, Kakashi twisted away.

Iruka sat up and let go in surprise.

Kakashi raked his hands through his hair and covered his eyes. "It's wrong, it's all wrong!"

"What's wrong?" Iruka asked. He needed Kakashi to talk to him. He couldn't help if he didn't know what was going on.

"Everything!" Kakashi flung his arms out wide. "Everything is wrong, Ruka-sensei! Touchan's not supposed to be dead and Sensei's not supposed to be dead and Bito's not supposed to be dead and Rin-chan's not supposed to be dead and the world is supposed to be better, all better, and it's not, it's going to hell, we're all going hell and it's hell and it's hell –" He buried his face in his hands, holding his head and curling up. He whimpered. "We're all in hell…" He started shaking. "We're all in hell because we did bad things… Bad things, Ruka…"

Iruka couldn't get his arms around Kakashi fast enough. He cradled Kakashi against him. "You're having a panic attack, Kashi-chan. A panic attack. That's all it is…Breathe for me. Breathe like a good boy, Kashi-chan. Because I know you're a good boy. You're a very good boy…" He rocked Kakashi back and forth. "I love you."

Kakashi slowly went limp.

Iruka gathered Kakashi to him closely, wrapping the covers around them tightly. "You had a nightmare, Kashi-chan, didn't you? A big, bad nightmare."

"No," Kakashi whimpered. "This is the nightmare. Sensei's gone. And Touchan's gone. And…"

"I know," Iruka said softly. "I'm sorry. But that doesn't mean you're alone. You've got me now. You don't have to be alone."

Kakashi clung to him. "Want Gai."

Iruka felt tears in his eyes. He rubbed Kakashi's back. "I know…and Gai will be back soon. But I'm here. I'm here for you…" Okay, a month was not 'soon', but he didn't know what else to say.

"Gai always makes the shadows go away," Kakashi said. He sounded like he was going to cry.

Iruka rocked him gently. "How does Gai do that?"

"He laughs," Kakashi said. He clung to Iruka's shirt tightly, fabric clutched in his fists. "He laughs and says they have to go away. And they do. Otherwise…They can't hurt me anymore when he's here. He's here and they go away. If he's not here…they hurt me over and over."

"What if I laugh?" Iruka asked softly.

Kakashi considered that suggestion doubtfully. "They might be able to tell the difference."

Iruka smiled. "Let me try."

"Try 'ha'," Kakashi said. "Gai's laugh sounds like that."

Iruka took that under advisement. "Ha!" he shouted. "You have no power here." He squeezed Kakashi. "You have to go away, because we say so."

He waited, trying to feel a difference. But, he didn't believe in evil spirits. Other than bijuu, anyway. If Kakashi's 'shadows' were evil spirits. Iruka wasn't sure he knew what Kakashi meant.

Kakashi's eyebrows lifted. "…It worked."

Iruka grinned and stroked Kakashi's cheek. "What did I tell you? I can do it…I can drive away whatever's bothering you."

Kakashi settled down again, amazed and relieved.

Iruka kissed the top of Kakashi's head. He couldn't help it. Kakashi was so much like a little child right now. And…he'd promised to date this man, as soon as Kakashi was well enough. That gave him pause for thought.

Kakashi fell asleep on him.

**xXx**

When Iruka woke up, Kakashi was gone. He stared at the empty side of the bed, then folded the covers down and got up. He scratched the back of his head and stretched. "Kashi-chan?"

He poked his head into the master bathroom, but Kakashi wasn't there. He padded down the hallway to the living room. Kakashi wasn't in the living room…but he felt a chakra presence in his kitchen and assumed that was Kakashi. He wasn't trained to differentiate chakra signatures; he could just tell if there was one or not.

"Kashi-chan?" he called, announcing himself before he rounded the corner into his kitchen.

Kakashi met him with an innocently beaming smile behind his mask.

Iruka's teacher sense told him to be very suspicious. "Kashi-chan…what are you doing?"

"Making you breakfast," Kakashi said.

Iruka relaxed. "I see. You know I'd rather you let me do that. You're supposed to be resting."

"I know." Kakashi waved a hand at the dishes on Iruka's counter. Two bowls of rice topped with fried eggs, sprinkled with shaved seaweed. "But I already did that, so you don't have to."

Iruka bowed. "Well, that's very considerate of you."

Kakashi scratched his head. "Maa, I know, I'm a considerate kind of guy."

He sounded better, Iruka noted. More like the thirty-year-old man he was supposed to be, instead of the wounded child. "Well, then let's eat your beautiful breakfast."

Kakashi beamed. "Okay." He collected their bowls and chopsticks and set the table. "Want any orange juice?"

"Yes, thank you." Iruka sat down, playing along. It seemed to make Kakashi feel better to be able to do this, so he wouldn't interfere.

Kakashi served them both a glass of orange juice and sat down. "Itadakimasu." He pulled down his mask and began to eat.

Iruka followed suit. "Itadakimasu." He took a couple bites of rice and egg. "Kashi-chan, this is very good."

"It's nothing," Kakashi said. "Nothing like what you make. But this is one of the few meals I learned how to make before my father died."

"He taught you how to make rice and eggs, then?" Iruka asked.

"Yeah." Kakashi didn't seem to have anything else to say about that. He ate his breakfast and drank his orange juice with single-minded intensity.

Iruka let him have his peace.

"After we're done eating breakfast, we have to go visit my team," Kakashi said. "I visit them every day."

"That's fine," Iruka said gently.

**xXx**

The memorial stone bothered Iruka less this morning. He thought that maybe, in his head at least, he'd pay respects to his parents. In the shadows of the training field, there was frost this morning. Autumn was definitely setting in. Iruka had made sure to bundle Kakashi up before they left, and he too donned a coat and a pair of gloves.

Kakashi dropped to his knees. "Hey. I had nightmare last night that you all were dead, and then I woke up, and it was true. I guess that's not much of a dream, is it? I'm sorry."

He tilted his head. "Oh. I guess you could say so." He looked up at Iruka. "They say they're fine. I'm the one that's suffering."

Iruka squeezed Kakashi's shoulder. "I think they're right," he said quietly. He didn't think he had ever seen a greater suffering than Kakashi's. _Deeply traumatized, friendless, without family. So wrapped up in his own isolation it's a miracle I can get through. And on top of all that, experimented on in some kind of program meant to make perfect shinobi? Kakashi's right. His life is a nightmare._

"It's kind of you to say so," Kakashi said. He ran gloved fingertips over the face of the memorial stone. "Since I'm the one that made everyone else suffer."

Iruka knelt by Kakashi and hugged him. "You don't make me suffer. Not at all." He planted a kiss on Kakashi's temple. _Could I be falling for him? But then, I don't have a choice, do I?_ After his first relationship, he was terrified to care about someone, but Iruka couldn't help caring when Kakashi was torn to shreds in front of him. A man that he knew and respected.

Kakashi turned his head and smiled, looking into Iruka's eyes.

Iruka almost pulled his mask down and kissed him. _Yup. I'm in love, alright._

**xXx**

When they reached home, Iruka made Kakashi a cup of hot cocoa and settled him down on the sofa, underneath the blanket. Iruka left Kakashi in front of the tv so that he could make dinner.

Of course, in the process of cutting vegetables and defrosting meat, Iruka heard the tv go silent, and a whispery shuffle that meant Kakashi had crept into the kitchen to be with him. Iruka politely pretended as though Kakashi was up to his usual standard of sneakiness.

Iruka reached in to take out a metal bowl that he used for mixing teriyaki and marinating his meat and narrowly avoided cutting his finger on a shard of broken porcelain. "What…is this?" He pulled out the bowl safely and found more curved shards of various sizes. A slim handle was attached to one of those pieces. He raised an eyebrow, thinking hard. "It's a teacup."

_This morning, when I caught Kakashi in the kitchen…_

He turned on his heel slowly.

Kakashi was frozen on the other side of the kitchen, the living room behind him.

Iruka held up the handle of what used to be one of his teacups. "Do you know anything about this?"

"Maa, maybe," Kakashi said.

"Did this happen this morning?" Iruka asked.

"Did what happen?" Kakashi stared at him.

Now Iruka knew Kakashi had done it. The question was…"Why did you hide this?" He was surprised Kakashi hadn't cut himself picking up all the pieces of the teacup and stowing it in the metal bowl in the cupboard.

Kakashi turned pale and started trembling. "Because I thought you'd be mad." He ducked back into the living room, as if to run away.

"I'm not mad," Iruka protested, surprised. "What is there to be angry about?"

Kakashi looked as though it took everything he had to stay rooted in place. "B-Because I broke it, and it's yours…it's your thing…"

Iruka shook his head. "It's just a teacup."

The panic drained from Kakashi's body, leaving him standing with his shoulders slumped and his head bowed. His voice came out low. "A cup…you could have used if I hadn't broken it." He sounded like an adult now, but with a child's sentiment still echoing in his words.

"It's just a cup," Iruka said gently. "I can replace it. Get one just like it. It's no trouble at all." He gingerly took a step forward. When Kakashi made no move to run away, Iruka quietly crossed the space between them and folded Kakashi into a hug.

Kakashi shivered, but didn't attempt to hug him back.

Iruka held Kakashi in silence, feeling like the man could break in his arms. His heartstrings had been brutally yanked by Kakashi's fear. "It's okay."

"Ruka, I'm sorry. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." Kakashi wrapped his arms around Iruka's shoulders loosely and rested his head on Iruka's shoulder.

"It's alright," Iruka said, stroking the back of Kakashi's head. "Who frightened you this way? Who made you so scared of breaking things?"

Kakashi shook his head and buried his face against Iruka's shoulder, tightening his embrace.

"It's okay, you know," Iruka said. "I'm not angry. I would never get angry at you for something like this."

Kakashi let out a tiny noise and sniffled, starting to cry at Iruka's reassurances. "Ruka-chan, I was so scared. I do bad things."

_Bad things?_ Iruka forced himself to breathe. "I don't think you do bad things."

"No?"

"No. You're not someone who does bad things, Kashi-chan." Iruka stroked Kakashi's back, gaining confidence at the feeling of Kakashi relaxing against him.

"I don't?" Kakashi's voice was wavering and broken through his tears.

"No, you're a good person," Iruka said firmly.

Kakashi sobbed and cried against Iruka's shoulder, clinging.

Iruka led him to the sofa and sat down with him, holding him closely.

"I'm really sorry," Kakashi said, when he was calm enough to speak again.

Iruka rocked him gently. "It's okay. I mean, I forgive you. I understand that you didn't mean to, Kashi." He kissed Kakashi's cheek.

Kakashi nodded, boneless with relief. "I didn't mean to."

Iruka knew that as desperate as he was to know what had happened to instill this reaction in Kakashi, it was better if he didn't ask now. The man had just calmed down, after all. He wanted Kakashi to stay calm. Iruka stroked Kakashi's back. "I'll never hurt you for things you didn't mean to do. I'll never hurt you, period, but I'll of course never hurt you for things you didn't mean to do. I'm your friend. I love you."

"I was making tea and then the teacup broke," Kakashi said.

Iruka puzzled at that. "How did the teacup break, Kashi?"

"I don't know," Kakashi said. "I looked down at the ground and there it was, broken."

Iruka swallowed his outward signs of worry. "Okay." He stroked Kakashi's hair, Kakashi's cheek. "Well, next time, if it happens again, just come get me. I'll help you deal with it."

"Okay," Kakashi said. He looked puzzled. "It's like it leapt out of my hand or something."

Iruka got an inkling that things like this were the actual source of Kakashi's outrageous excuses. He smiled. "It's alright, Kashi-chan."

Kakashi looked at him with wide eyes, and then smiled in return. "It's kind of funny, isn't it?"

Iruka thought it best to humor Kakashi. "Yes, it is."

Kakashi chuckled. "It's like – Whoops! How did that get there?" He looked around and scratched his temple, pantomiming confusion. "Maybe an enemy ninja came in and knocked it out of my hand, and I had to fight a battle for my life, so of course I couldn't catch the teacup before it hit the floor and exploded into lots of tiny shards."

Iruka couldn't help it. He laughed. "You don't need an elaborate story, Kashi-chan."

Kakashi winked. "No, but they're fun."

_Much more fun than not being able to remember anything,_ Iruka realized suddenly. He grinned at Kakashi and stroked Kakashi's cheek. "Very fun."

Kakashi beamed.

"Are you okay?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi looked surprised. "Why do you ask?"

"I'm asking because I care about you," Iruka said.

Kakashi looked away. "Well…I was scared that you wouldn't forgive me and you would hurt me and then I would be all alone until Gai came back and I didn't know if I could survive that long because I b-belong in the hospital and I've been such a terrible guest and I didn't mean to, Ruka, I really didn't, I just – I don't remember doing it."

Iruka squeezed Kakashi gently. "I understand. Kashi-chan, have you ever been to a psychologist?"

"No, why?" Kakashi asked.

"Because I think you have something called dissociation," Iruka said, keeping his voice calm and reassuring. "A psychologist could help with that."

"I don't like psychologists," Kakashi said.

"Why is that?" Iruka cradled him.

"They find out all your secrets and use them against you," Kakashi said. "Letting someone know your mind is giving them too much power. I won't tell anyone anything about me." He pouted resolutely, seeming to forget that he'd told Iruka an awful lot.

Iruka didn't mention that. _I'll just have to take things into my own hands. I need to speak to Tsunade. It's not right to let Kakashi keep running around being emotionally wounded any more than it is alright to let him run around being physically wounded. Someone needs to care about his mind rather than just his body. This is serious business._


End file.
